


Back to You

by Justadeangirl67



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bearded Steve Rogers, Character Death, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Musician Steve, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Natasha Romanov, Soulmates, Steve Rogers Feels, all that fluffy shit, daddy Steve Rogers, possible happy ending, possibly, steve rogers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-05-29 11:49:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15072533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justadeangirl67/pseuds/Justadeangirl67
Summary: Steve Rogers has made a lot of dumb choices in his life, but the stupidest thing has to be when he walked out on the love of his life. Eight years ago he left her at the altar without even saying goodbye. He put her behind him and moved to L.A. to start his career. He still lives in L.A. and has several albums with Stark Records. He’s had plenty of one night stands. He parties a little too hard if you ask his manager.Life is great. He has everything he wanted. Everything he was supposed to want and yet, he still isn’t over Reese Barnes. Some unforeseen circumstances bring Steve back home for the first time in eight years and Steve quickly learns that everything he left back home is no longer there waiting on him.





	1. Record Year

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Rockstar!Steve x OFC. OFC is Reese Barnes is Bucky’s little sister. They are two years apart in age. They all were still raised in Brooklyn. Based off that semi-cute, semi terrible movie Forever My Girl. Some things are changing some of staying the same. 
> 
> ***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Thanks!***

Everything was perfect. It was almost three. The ceremony was going to start at four. All she had to do was wait an hour. One more hour and she would finally be Mrs. Steve Rogers. She just had to get through pictures and Bucky walking her down the aisle all without crying. She could do that. Just focus on lipstick touch-ups.

Nat grins at Reese through the mirror as she reapplies another coat of red lipstick, “Rogers is seriously going to shit a brick when he sees you walking down the aisle.”

Reese laughs and shakes her head, “I don’t know.” She rubs her hands together and starts to pick at her cuticles. Nervous habit. Steve hates when she does that.

“Trust me.-“ Nat reaches out and fixes the curl that looked a little too bouncy for her taste “-The guy looks at you like you hung the moon. Constantly. If it wasn’t so sickly cute it would be annoying, and I wouldn’t say this unless I meant but the two of you are meant to be, but as your best friend, I have to say this one time.” She pauses for dramatic effect, “Do you wanna make a run for it?”

Reese smiles and rolls her eyes as Nat continues, “I’m serious Reese. We’re only eighteen. You guys could wait a few years. I mean his song just made it on local radio a couple weeks ago. You could go get your degree, teach for a bit and then do this.” She takes Reese’s hands and looks into her blue eyes, “Last time I am asking I swear. I just want to make sure you know what you’re doing and you’re not going to get hurt.”

Nat meant well. Reese knew that, but Steve was it for her. She’s known it from the minute they met, and she was only eight years old. This had been in the stars since the beginning and no one was going to convince her otherwise. Not even her best friend. There was no way she was running.

Just fifty-six minutes.

“I promise. I am so sure. He’s the one, Nat.” Reese says with a love stuck grin on her face.

Nat gags but has a fond smile on her face. “Alright, just know,” Nat says, “I’ll kill him if he hurts you and they won’t find the body.” Reese laughs and kisses cheek in thanks.

A deep cough from behind pulls the girl's attention. Sam grins as the two of them take in his presence, “Hey, girls. You’re looking beautiful. As always.” Nat smiles and looks down hiding the blush on her cheeks.

Reese jabs her friend in the ribs with her elbow, “Who is the sappy one now?” She whispers. Nat sticks out her tongue and looks up at her boyfriend, “What’s up? It can’t be time to walk. We haven’t even done pictures with Bucky yet.”

Sam gives Reese a small smile and locks eyes with Nat, “I just need to borrow you for a minute and I am pretty sure big brother is right behind me anyway.”

It didn’t take anymore. Nat knew something was up. She kisses Reese’s cheek and gets up, “I’ll be right back. Don’t party too hard without me. Remember-“She points at her stern look on her face “- One shot before you walk down the aisle. You promised.” She links arms with Sam and they step outside the double doors onto the stoop right as Bucky strolls through.

He stops in the doorway and just stares at her. Wide-eyed. Jaw slack. He couldn’t believe the beautiful woman in lace was the same freckle-faced kid he used to push on the swings. The same little girl that would follow him wherever he went because she had to be wherever he was.

“You look dashing big brother.” She comments.

Of course, he had managed to make the tux she rented more Bucky. He had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Neatly at least. His brown hair pulled back in a bun. Nat’s doing, she was fairly certain. The smile she was holding slowly started to fade as he continued to stare at her in silence. She looks down at her dress. Checking the lace in the mermaid skirt. The beaded details on the bodice. The sweetheart neckline. The lace sleeves. She doesn’t find any stains or rips. She finally looks up, “I- Buck, you’re making me nervous. Is it bad?”

A slow smile creeps up on his face as he walks over to her and pulls her into a bone-crushing hug, lifting her off the ground. Just like they were kids all over again. No regard for her dress or hair.  He finally says, “You look beautiful, sis.”

She blushes and tucks her head under his chin just in time to see Nat open the door with a pained look on her face and a forced smile. Something was wrong.

Reese slowly pulls back from Bucky as Nat walks over and takes her hands in hers, “Re. I have to tell you something and I need you to remember that we are all here for you. No matter what. We are here for you.”

Bucky’s brows knit together. What the hell was she talking about? He places a hand on Reese’s lower back. “Nat, what’s going on? Is Steve hurt?”

Nat completely ignores Bucky and focuses on Reese. She was going to need her more than Bucky. She swallows and whispers, “He’s not coming, Re. He left. He told Sam that he was sorry, but he just couldn’t do this. He had to go and that he would always lov-“ Nat’s lips were moving but she couldn’t make out what she was saying. It was like she was underwater. Everything sounded far away, and her skin felt numb.

She could see Bucky with his phone up to his ear but couldn’t make out what he was saying. Everything around her seems to be happening in slow motion. Nat slowly and gently pushes her back onto the couch. She was aware of someone helping to pull her veil out of her hair and Sam trying to calm Bucky down. He was screaming at Sam. When did Sam come back in here?

Someone said something about telling the guests. That’s right. There was a church full of people waiting on the two of them to get married. He wouldn’t do this to her. Not her sweet Steve. Not the boy that has loved her since he was ten years old. No, he wouldn’t do this. She looks down at the small diamond on her finger and closes her eyes. This was just one of her pre-wedding nightmares. They have been happening almost every night. She would wake up and everything would be fine.

Steve would be next to her and everything would be fine.

Everything would be just fine.

Reese opens her eyes wet lashes smearing her mascara. She looks up at Bucky who drops to his knees in front of her, “It’s okay. I’m gonna fix this. I promise. I’ll be here for whatever you need. He won’t hurt you ever again.”

Turns out it’s not a nightmare.

At least not the kind she can wake up from anyway.  

“Excuse me? I believe I have a ticket to L.A. waiting on me?” He drops license on the counter and slides it across the counter.  

The older gentleman grabs his license and looks up at the young man hiding under a blue baseball cap. He eyes his face and then the picture for a moment, “Sure, thing Mr. Rogers. Let me just pull up the information.”

Steve pulls the cap further over his face, “The earliest flight you have. If you can make that happen.”

He nods and begins typing away on the keyboard in front of him, “I’ve got a flight that leaves in forty minutes and I can adjust the ticket if you are willing to go coach instead of first class.” Steve nods to confirm the change and pulls out his phone as the flight attendant goes back to typing.

**Buck (39 Missed Calls)**

**Buck (12 Voicemails)**

**Nat (2 Missed Calls)**

**Nat (1 Voicemail)**

**Sam (3 Missed Calls)**

He quickly closes out his missed calls. He couldn't handle talking to them. Hearing the disappointment. Hearing the anger. He ignores the voicemails and goes straight to his text inbox.

**Tony Stark (3:45 pm): See you soon, kid! Let me know when you land, and I’ll have Happy pick you up. You’re gonna be the next big thing! I promise once this record hits you’re going to get everything you ever wanted.**

The flight attendant clears his throat as he pushes the documents towards Steve. “Have a safe flight, Mr. Rogers.

Steve flips his phone closed and grabs his documents, “Right. Thank you.” He walks back towards the gate with his one duffle bag and takes a deep breath. He can do this.

You’re going to get everything you ever wanted.

Too late for that, Stark.


	2. Whiskey and You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve comes to see that maybe fame isn't everything he thought it would be and gets some news that nearly tears him apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Steve being a dick? Cursing, but Y'all know me by now. Alcohol abuse. Steve being a slut. Nothing graphic though. 
> 
> The song that Steve sings is Don't think I don't think about it by Darius Rucker. 
> 
> Also, I'm so sorry. Just keep that in mind and don't hate me. :-) ***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Thanks!***

Eight years later

“Thank you, Chicago!” Steve holds up his hands in thanks letting his guitar swing towards his back. He places a hand on the microphone looking over the crowd and taking in all their screams. He takes a few deep breaths to calm his heart. The crowds still got his anxiety fired up. He still couldn’t believe he could sell out an entire arena. That all these people were coming out to hear a little punk ass kid from Brooklyn. He wasn’t so little anymore but he is still that same punk kid.

“So, I wanna do a song tonight. A song that I don’t- that I don’t play often.” He closes his eyes for a second and lets out a shaking breath. “This song will always hold a place in my heart. I wrote it in a time when I was lost and I was trying to grasps onto the one thing-“He holds up his left index finger “- the one thing that has always kept me grounded.”

He looks back at the band and nods for the to start up as he slides his guitar back around to his front. He gazes out into the crowd and says, “Every time I fall this is the one thing picking me back up.”

His fingers slowly start to strum his guitar and then his voice fills the arena as he starts to sing.

‘I left out in a cloud of taillights and dust.

Swore I wasn’t coming back, said I’d had enough

Saw you in the rearview standing, fading from my life

But I wasn’t turning ‘round…’

“Good night!” Steve calls out to the crowd one last time before walking off stage and running right into Tony who has a bottle of water for him.

“Where’s Happy?” Steve grunts as he snatches the water bottle from his hands.

Tony gives him an annoyed smirk, “Well, hello to you, to sunshine. Oh, me? I’m doing fine. Thanks for asking.” Steve rolls his eyes and heads backstage. Tony manages to keep up with Steve’s brisk pace, but he has no idea how Pepper does this in heels. This attitude happened sometimes. Steve would be fine for a few weeks. A few months and then he would have a breakdown. Snapping at everyone. Detached. Angry. Happy had noticed the downward spiral starting a few nights ago at a smaller show in St.Louis. He called Tony in when Steve refused to do a rehearsal this morning.

Once Tony heard his surprise song choice he knew it was a good thing he came in. He was coming undone quickly. “Happy is off for the night. He deserves a break every now and then.” He waves off the rest of the security following them and looks at Steve as they make their way through the crowds, “I thought we agreed that song was probably not the best to play anymore. You tend to get-” He blows out a breath and continues, “-unhinged when you play it.”

Steve shrugs, “Yeah, well. I just felt it tonight.” Detached. Not a good sign.

“I know what today is Steve-“ Tony says calmly “- I am one of the few people that do know and you should have let me cancel the show like I wanted. You hardly ever take time off. You are constantly recording and when you’re not in the studio you’re on tour. If anyone gets burying yourself in work to avoid your problems it’s me, but today is different.”

Steve stops in the middle of the hallway of the stadium and looks at Tony shaking his head. “No, it’s not. It’s the same as every other day. This is just another day. It’s not important. It doesn’t mean a damn thing to me.”

Tony raises his eye brows unconvinced and opens his mouth to protest but his words were drowned out by the screaming girls calling out for Steve’s attention. Steve looks back over his shoulder and grins at the line of girls giving them a wink, making the screams increase. He turns back to Tony, “I didn’t even remember what today was Tony, okay? Because it never meant anything to me. Now, if you don’t mind I am going to over there and take that pretty blonde for a spin.” He pats Tony’s shoulder and tosses him the water bottle as he walks towards the line of fans calling his name.

“Just make sure she signs the NDA first or Pepper will have both our asses,” Tony calls after him earning a nonchalant hand wave. Tony groans and pinches the bridge of his nose, “Play nice. You promised, Pep.” He mutters to himself.

Steve walks over to the blonde on the end. The only one not wearing a shirt with his face on it. The only one not screaming his name. “Hey, pretty girl. You got something you want me to sign?”

She looks up at him through her lashes and smiles, “Yeah, I’ve got a few places I want you to sign.” She whispers.

He grins and pulls the metal temporary fence to the side allowing her to slip through and asks, “What’s your name sweetheart?”

She slips through the gate and takes the arm he’s holding out for her, “Sharon.”

* * *

 

The sunlight from the floor to ceiling windows, Steve had demanded to be in his hotel, were lighting up his bed and landing directly on his face. He runs his hands over his beard and then through his messy locks. Slowly sitting up he looks to his side seeing a naked blonde girl next to him, barely covered by the thin hotel sheets.

“Shit.” He mumbles.

What was her name? Stacy? Sherry? Jenny? Fuck it.  He doesn’t have time to mess with trying to remember. He looks around the room taking in the mess of empty bottles lining the floor. He spots his boxers and grabs them. He slips them on while he looks for his jeans and more importantly his phone.

It was his solace after a night like last night. Most nights actually. Helps pull him back onto the ground and clear his head. It was the only thing that ever worked. Tony had tried everything, but this worked without fail every time.

He kicks the bottles around the floor not caring to be sensitive of the sleeping girl in his bed. Honestly, He was in no mood to deal with a one-night stand. His hangover was one of the worst he’s had in a while. He couldn’t decide if he wanted to throw up or go back to sleep for several days. Go back to sleep alone though. He was ready for her to get out of his hotel room. As soon as he found his phone he could get Tony in here to get rid of her.

The noise from him tossing pillows, blankets, glass bottles caused her to stir awake. She slowly sits up despite the pounding in her own head, looking about half appealing as she did the night before. Amazing what a bit of whiskey makes someone see. She sits up and pushes her messy blonde locks out of her dark brown eyes, “Good morning. That was a crazy night, huh?”

Steve stops tosses the couch pillows haphazardly back onto the couch, “Yeah, uh, listen-“ He runs a hand along his bearded jaw and then throws his hands in the air. “How can I say this without being a dick?”

Tony waltzes into the bedroom carrying coffee and a folder, “Well, you probably don’t start your sentence off like that would be my guess, but what do I know?” He shoves a coffee cup into Steve’s chest forcing him to take it and tosses a file on the bed in front of the half-naked blonde who was now covering herself with the thin sheet.

He points to the file and says, “Sign that and then I have some sugary pumpkin, chestnut, whipped or frosted coffee thing. I don’t know. Pepper usually handles this but she’s at home with my demon spawn, so you’re stuck with me.” He then gestures towards her chest, “I can still see the girls by the way.”

She blushes and covers her chest with one arm, grabbing the file with the other.

Steve tosses another pair of jeans on the floor and kicks more bottles out of the way, smashing them against each other. Tony turns back around and looks at Steve, chest heaving and still smashing bottles. “Is this what Pepper deals with?” He asks. “Because I have to be honest Steve, I am not equipped to deal with emotional break downs. If that one-“ He points to the blonde reading on the bed “-starts to cry I am gonna have to get Pep on speaker phone.”

Tony pauses and glances around the way confusion filling his face, “Wait. Where is your phone?”

Steve throws his hands up in the air wildly. “I don’t know, Tony. I can’t fucking find it. I can’t find it anywhere. I have to find it.” He walks over to him chewing the inside of his lip. Panic starting to set in, “I need to find it. It’s all I have left. I need it. I can’t-“ He swallows the lump rising in his throat. “I just- I need to find it, Tony.”

Sharon was standing at the foot of the bed holding what looked like an old flip phone from the early 2000s. It was being held together by duct tape. The device was barely holding on and it looked like it had been wet based on the tape around it. “Did you mean this? You tossed it in the bath last night and said you didn’t need anything from past your anymore.” She looks uneasy as she holds it out and continues, “I got it out pretty quick and took it apart to dry. Not sure if it works.”

Steve started to jump forward, but Tony put his hand on his chest, “Go sit down on the couch and drink your damn coffee. I’ll handle the phone.” He walks over towards Sharon and grabs the phone from her and says, “You can get dressed and go.” She opens her mouth to say something but shuts it and grabs her clothes heading into the bathroom to get dressed.

Tony walks back to the living room and collapses in the chair as he takes the phone apart, “You think she would have gotten dressed out here.” He says casually, “Pretty sure you saw everything last night and I wasn’t joking when I said the sheet was thin enough to see the girls.”

As much as he knew Tony was trying to lighten the mood he wouldn’t feel better until his phone was fixed. His eyes were intently focused on what Tony was doing with his phone. They were both so fixated on the phone they didn’t notice Sharon dropping the signed NDA on the table in front of them and completely missed her walking out of them room.

It took twenty minutes of whispered curse words, Steve’s pacing and Tony swearing this was the last time Pepper got to stay home when the kids were sick. He put the phone back together and turned it on. He grins as the phone begins to light up and hands it over to Steve who takes it like he’s just been given the keys to Valhalla. He didn’t know what the voicemail was or why it was so important, but he knew Steve would fall apart if he lost it.

“Now, maybe next time you will listen to me when I say you need a vacation once a year on a certain date. I’m not saying we have to tell people it’s the day you almost got married, but a few days to cool off would be good. You know, you could stay and break your own bottles and wreck your own furniture,” Tony’s words on lost of deaf ears.

Steve was too lost in his head to hear anything he was saying. He goes through his voicemail and hits play, sinking down on the couch and closing his eyes. He lets the feeling of relief rush over him as it plays in his ear. He didn’t lose it. It’s okay. Everything is alright. He listens to it a few more times before he closes the phone and carefully sets it on the coffee table.

He glances over at Tony and clears his throat, “Thank you. I- just thank you.” Tony knows how much that voicemail means to him. He would do whatever it took to keep it. It’s why he hasn’t pushed buying him a new phone. It was the last bit of his past that he could hold on to.

“Don’t worry about it. Let’s just get you up and ready. We have a flight out of here in about four hours. Ill get a cleaning crew in here because…” He gestures to the mess and looks at back at Steve, “Seriously, Pepper lets you do this? She won’t let me leave my cereal bowl in the sink and she puts up with this.”

Steve smirks and shakes his head, “No, I would never pull this crap with her.”

Tony narrows his eyes and flips on the news, “I’ll have people in here to get your shit together so the hotel doesn’t make another statement about your ‘bad boy ways’ and square us away. You have to be in New Orleans and ready to perform by tomorrow night. So, all you have to do is get dressed hot shot. Can you handle that or does my wife pick out your clothes too?”

Steve shakes his head and holds back his laughter. Pepper did pick out his clothes more often than not, but it was normally because he was passed out from the night before and she couldn’t wake him early enough. Even when he did wake up in time to pick something out himself he was normally not in the right state of mind. Still drunk most of the time. Maybe he could get Pepper on video to pick an outfit. He really didn’t feel like this it this morning either. He turns his attention to the news and then calls out to Tony, “Hey Tony!”

‘We are so sad to confirm that Sam Wilson, former the United States Air Force Pararescue airman, lost his life to pancreatic cancer.’  The news anchor’s voice carries the hotel and brings everything to a crashing halt.

Steve stopped breathing and slowly sat up, turning up the volume as Tony came back into the room and asks “What’s up pop star?” But Steve was gone. He didn’t hear anything he was saying. It was a different Sam. If he was that sick he would have known. Sam was his best friend. Was is the important part. Steve hasn’t talked to him since he skipped town and made him do his dirty work. They were best friends.

‘It was confirmed by his wife this morning. He was an advocate for fighting cancer even up until his final moments. He is survived by his wife, Natasha and their son Steven James. The funeral is set for this Thursday for anyone who wishes to pay their respect to this brave man and his family. I for one am going to miss his motivating speeches at rallies and conventions. He has touched so many people with his story. Our hearts our with the Wilson family today-”

Steve leans back against the couch staring at the image of Sam they have displayed on the screen. He wasn’t there. One of his best friends is dead and he hadn’t been there. He didn’t even know he was sick.

Tony waves a hand in front of Steve’s face, “Hello? You know I have things to do today. I can’t just wait around. Can you get your ass up and get dressed?” Steve blinks a few times and looks up at Tony who nods towards the screen, “You know him or something? Says he’s from Brooklyn and you look like you’re gonna upchuck. Or is that just the booze from last night making another appearance?”

Steve takes a deep breath and turns the tv off ignoring the question completely. “I’m gonna take a shower.” He grabs his phone and heads into the bathroom. “Can we make the fucking coffee Irish next time? Whatever that was tastes like that shit.  Can we make sure the hotel doesn’t have those fucking windows? The room is like a furnace.” He slams the bathroom before Tony can respond and sink down onto the floor, pressing his head back against the door.  

He just needs to get through this fucking month and things will be back to normal. He squeezes his eyes shut to keep his tears back.

“It’s fine-“ He chants to himself, “-You’re fine. Just get through this morning. There was nothing you could have done. Nothing.” He runs a hand down his face and sighs.

Tony bangs on the door, “I don’t hear the water. Let’s get a move on before I have to throw you out the windows you demanded be in your room not more than thirty hours ago. It would be a shame to lose my best artist, but I am not above it at this point.”

Steve slowly stands up and looks at himself in the mirror. Bags under his blue eyes. They were no longer bright like they use to be. Just dull and full of pain. His beard was scruffy, his blonde locks were greasy, and he looks like he had been thoroughly battered and used up. He shakes his head and locks eyes with his reflection whispering, “You’re a piece of shit. They are all so much better off without you.”

“I got your Irish coffee sunshine,” Tony calls through the door.

Steve splashes water on his face skipping his shower and rips the door open grabbing the coffee from Tony’s hand. “Ten minutes and we can go.” He pulls his shirt over his head and digs through his bag for a clean shirt.

As soon as he is on stage he will forget about all this. He just needs to forget, and everything will be fine.


	3. You don't lie here anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's death sends Steve in a downward spiral and in an effort to right his wrongs Steve makes a choice that could ruin his career and destroy what little life he has left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Peter I am referring to in this chapter is Peter Quil so we are all on the same page. ;-)
> 
> Song mentioned is "Record Year" by Eric Church
> 
> ***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Thanks!***

Steve slouches down in the backseat of the SUV that Tony had called to take them to the airport. He had insisted that Tony rides with the rest of the band. He just needed a few minutes of silence and Tony wasn’t known for his ability to stay quiet.

‘Today we are taking a moment to remember former the United States Air Force Pararescue airman, Sam Wilson.’ The female DJ states, ‘Over the last several years he has been in the public eye talking about his battle with cancer in a hope to help others struggling with cancer and help those who have experienced the loss of a loved one due to cancer.’  
Steve’s jaw clenches as he listens. How the hell had he missed that? He didn’t need someone to answer that question for him. He knew the question. Over the last eight years, he hasn’t thought of anyone but himself.

‘This morning, it was confirmed that he lost his own battle with cancer by his wife, Natasha Wilson. He spent his final hours surrounded by his wife, two-year-old son and close friends-“

Sam was surrounded by everyone who mattered to him. That’s what was important. He wasn’t in his life anymore so why would he know? Why would he be there? He didn’t matter to any of them anymore.

“Turn that shit off please,” Steve barks at his driver and glances out the window. The driver reaches forward and switches it to another station but grimaces when he hears Steve’s voice begin to play through the speakers.

‘Love’s got a funny way of keeping score

And your leavin’ lit up my scoreboard

I usually make it through side A sober

All bets are off when I flip her over

One bourbon, one scotch, one beer-‘

Of course. Of all the songs in the world, it had to be this song. He locks eyes with the driver in the rear-view mirror and then shakes his head looking back out the window. He often wondered if people knew his music was about someone. If she knew all his songs were about her or if she avoided his music altogether. That thought stung. He had hoped that she heard his music. Heard the songs that were about her. Heard his apology after apology.

Bucky surely hadn’t heard them. He knew his best friend well enough to know that he wouldn’t want to hear his voice. Sam must have listened at least once. He named his son Steven. Or maybe Steve was just naive enough to think that he named his son after him. Nat couldn’t have allowed that if it was about him.

Steve glances up at the signs on the highway and shakes his head. He wasn’t going to New Orleans. He had to get home. Back to Brooklyn.

He runs a hand down his face and looks at the driver, “Change of plans. I’m not meeting them at Stark’s jet. I need to go to New York. I need to get to Brooklyn by Thursday morning.”

The driver looks back at him uneasy, “Uh-sir, Mr. Stark told me to take you straight to your flight. I just-“ Steve shakes his head and pulls a few hundred out of his wallet and slides them over the front seat. “Like I said I need to get to Brooklyn. Can you make that happen or should I find someone else?”

He glances at an exit approaching rapidly on their right and makes a quick turn off. Steve looks back watching the tour bus pass them, still on the highway. He lets out a long breath and looks down at his lap where his phone is already going off.

Steve picks it up and can hear Tony screaming into the phone but whatever he was saying wasn’t being heard. “I’m not going Tony-“ He states calmly “-I have something I have to take care of. I’ll be back on schedule in a week.”

“What the fuck do you mean a week?! We have three shows and people paid to see you, kid. Do you have any idea what this looks like for your career and how much it will cost?!” Tony screams into the phone, “Get your ass back on the highway and do your fucking job!”

“I can’t. I have something to take care of. I’ll talk to you in a week.” Without giving Tony a chance to respond he hangs up his phone and drops it in his lap, glancing at the driver, “So how about a couple grand and you drive me where I need to go? I have a feeling someone is going to be checking the airports.”

 

* * *

 

Thanks to a few too many stops on his part fourteen hours later he was back in Brooklyn late Wednesday night. He was back home for the first time in years. He has refused to play venues in New York for the last five years. He didn’t want to come back here ever again if he could help it, but as Tony like to remind him ‘you can’t run from your past for forever’. So here he was. No longer running.

He glances at his phone for the time. Just a little past ten. Thursday morning. He had to get to the service. The driver, who he learned was named Hank and had two kids, had cost him about five grand between gas, paying Hank and gave him a little extra to check himself in under his own name so Steve could stay hidden. Pepper or Tony normally handled all that but right now he didn’t need them involved. They would show up and he would drag him back where he needed to be. He had over a hundred calls from Tony and Pepper and had yet to check the tabloids, but he was sure it didn’t look good after missing a show.

He had to do this on his own though. It was just something he owed Sam and himself.

There was no time to get anything suitable to wear to a funeral and he only had his one duffle bag anyway. The rest of his bags were with Tony. Wherever he was. He grabbed the black suit jacket he had stuffed into his bag and slipped it on over a dark blue dress shirt. It was the closest thing he had to be being acceptable for a funeral. He grabs his ball cap and heads down to jump into the cab the hotel had waiting for him. He climbs in the backseat and hands the driver a crumbled piece of paper that held the address, “Quickest way there if possible.” He threw his baseball cap on and put his sunglasses on, avoiding the cab driver’s eyes for the forty-minute drive into Brooklyn.

They pull up across the street from the church and watch as Nat and her son gets ushered inside by someone he doesn’t know. No sign of Bucky. No sign of Reese. He didn’t want any of them to see him. He doubted that Natasha even wanted him there and he didn’t want to make this day any harder than it had to be. He slips out of the cab after paying and walks up to the empty sidewalk, stopping outside the church. He pulls his cap and sunglasses off and starts to head up the stairs when he bumps into a couple rushing inside. Glancing down to say sorry his heart nearly stops.

Reese.

She looks up at him with an unreadable expression on her face. Shock maybe? It was mostly anger and sadness. If he could still read her as he used to and he would like to think time hadn’t changed that. 

Time had changed that though.

It took a minute for his brain to register that she was holding someone’s hand. His eyes travel up from where their hands are linked to the eyes of the man holding her hand. He didn’t even know who he was, but he already hated him.

“Peter we’re late. We need to get inside,” She says to the man holding her hand. He nods and places a hand on her lower back, gently guiding her inside the church.

Peter, huh?

Steve stands there for a minute and debates leaving, but this wasn’t about them. This was about Sam and making that right. He takes a deep breath and walks inside slipping into one of the back-empty pews, right at the edge so he can slip out if need be. He wasn’t going to cause a scene and if they wanted him gone he go without trouble.

Reese walks to the front pew and kisses Natasha’s cheek. She knew he was watching her closely, but she never looks back, just focuses on her family. She walks around Natasha letting Peter sit in the pew behind them. Bucky stands up holding a little girl with dark blonde pigtails in his arms who promptly reaches for Reese and high fives the guy that Reese walked in with. She takes the little girl in her arms and finally looks back at Steve, locking eyes for a split second and then quickly sitting down between Nat and Bucky.

She leans over and whispers something into Bucky’s ear. Steve watches his body stiffen and he glances towards the back of the church catching Steve’s eye before turning around and putting a protective arm around Reese and the little girl.

Steve hangs his head and closes his eyes. This was a mistake. There was too much tension for him to come back like this. It didn’t help that it was taking everything in him to not pull that dude off Reese and pound his face into the pavement.

“Today we’re here to celebrate the life of Sam Wilson.” Steve looks up at the sound of the preacher speaking and relaxes a bit. He’s not here for her. This was about Sam. He could do this.

Reese leans into Bucky’s side glancing back at Steve every few minutes. He wasn’t paying attention. He was looking at the preacher. Jaw clenched. Doing his best to keep his emotions from showing. She was familiar with that look. Bucky squeezes her shoulder and shakes his head in quiet admonishment.

The little girl peaks her head between Bucky and Reese and looks at the man in the back of the church. She looks up at Bucky and whispers, “Uncle Bucky? why does momma keep looking at that man?” He locks eyes with Reese who looks away ashamed. Ashamed for what she wasn’t sure, but she hated when Bucky was disappointed in her. He looks down at the little girl and pulls her into his lap, “No, reason Lily bug-“He whispers and turns her around “-Shh, we have to say goodbye to Uncle Sam, okay? Don’t worry about him. He’s just someone we used to know.”

She settles into her uncle's lap and looks up at the preacher talking about her uncle Sam, stealing glances at the strange man behind them whenever she could.

The service was beautiful and everything that Sam deserved. Bucky got up and talked about when they were kids and teenagers. Steve was grateful Bucky didn’t leave him out of those stories. A few people Steve didn’t know got up to talk about how great of a man he was. They were from Sam’s life after Steve left. The part of him he didn’t get to know. Natasha even got up to say a few words, but Bucky had to come and help her when she broke down in tears and it only made Steve feel like a bigger piece of shit. He should have been up there talking about what a good man Sam was. He should have been jumping up to help Natasha. He wasn’t thought. He wasn’t because he was too proud and selfish apologies.

They had decided to cremate Sam so Natasha could keep him with her always. Which made it harder for Steve to get in his goodbyes. He wouldn’t be able to sneak up to the headstone after everyone left, but he got his chance while everyone was paying their respects to Natasha outside.

Steve waits until everyone seemed to be preoccupied with goodbyes and makes his way up to the front of the church stopping in front of his Urn. He pauses at his picture trying to find his voice. He didn’t know what to say to him. How was he supposed to make this right when he was already gone?

He drops into a squat so he’s eye level with Sam’s urn and takes a deep breath, “Hey man. I, uh- I don’t know really what to say here, “ He says roughly. “I’m not so good at saying how I feel anymore and I don’t know if you noticed but I am shit for apologies-“ he rubs the back of his neck “-I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I’m sorry I didn’t even know you were sick. I just kept telling myself I had time. I had time to apologize and make it right. Guess time wasn’t on our side.  I want you to know that you’ve always been family even when I wasn’t showing it and I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to tell you before.” He stands up and places a hand on top of the urn and whispers, “I’ll see you soon brother.”

“He wasn’t mad at you for the record.” Steve yanks his hand back at the sound of Natasha’s voice. “Me on the other hand? I don’t forget as easily as he does.”

He turns around and looks at her. Taking in her red puffy eyes. Her tear stained face. He hadn’t known Natasha to cry ever and that was almost harder than seeing his urn.  “I’m sorry I came. I just-“ He blows out a shaky breath he didn’t realize he was holding “- I had to say goodbye, Nat. It was- I couldn’t stay away today.”

She shrugs, “I knew you would come, Steve. Didn’t think I would get to talk to you but I knew you would show up.” She walks over and picks up the urn off the table. “I meant what I said Steve. He wasn’t mad at you. He forgave you a long time ago. He did miss you though,” she says as her eyes scan over him. “You look like you’re doing good. Guess all the damage you did here was good for you. Although the rehab you went through last year helped I’m sure.”

Steve’s jaw clenches and he squares his shoulders like he’s getting ready for a fight. He didn’t want to talk about rehab today of all days. His defensive stance makes Natasha smile. “I told you I haven’t forgiven you,” She says as she walks past him to grab her coat from the pew. “For the record. She’s okay without you. She has family who won’t walk out on her and she’s finally teaching after the setback. She’s happy so if you came back here to wreck her life again you can go.”

“I didn’t come back here for he-“

She holds up the hand that isn’t cradling Sam against her body and laughs, “Please. I’ve heard all your songs. You can say you came back here to say goodbye to Sam, but it was more than that.”

He takes a breath and quickly changes the subject from Reese. “I didn’t know Bucky had a little girl. When did that happen?” He asks.

Anything to get the topic away from Reese.

Natasha gives him a sad smile, “That- you should talk to Reese about Lilly. It’s not my place.” She walks over to him, “I wouldn’t talk to her when Bucky is around though. It’s good to have you home Steve. Even if it’s only for a bit.” She strides past him and out to the waiting town car where Bucky is holding open the door, glaring at Steve.

She looks back at Steve, “She works till four through the week, but volunteers at the public library on Dekalb Ave till 6 on Fridays. If you want to talk to her.”

He nods and slips his hands into his pockets watching as she slips into the car holding on her little boy and Bucky sliding in right behind her without Lilly.

You should talk to Reese about Lilly. It’s not my place.

He wasn’t sure what Natasha meant by that, but it intrigued him enough to try and find out. Besides he told Tony it would be a week so he can kill a few more days. He could right a few more wrongs. Not that anyone was expecting him to. Or even wanted him to. He had to though. Before he lost another chance. He had to at least say he was sorry before he went back to his life and left them to theirs.


	4. Blame it on my heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reese questions some of the choices she has made since Steve left. Steve takes Nat's advice and tries to run into Reese, but ends up finding out some information about his life was kept from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part four! Yay! 
> 
> ***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Thanks!***

“I don’t know why you kept looking back at him with  _that_  look on your face. You see his dumb face and forget what he did that quick?” Bucky asks Reese as he watches his niece playing in their backyard with Peter. The same back yard they played in as kids. He didn’t have a problem with Peter really. He is a good guy. He takes care of Reese and Lilly. Lilly loves him. They play all the time. She even gets him dancing and singing. Peter was basically a big kid himself.

Still, it’s not really who he pictures his sister with. Their relationship had no spark from where Bucky was standing. He was safe. He wouldn’t hurt her, and he knew that’s why Reese was with him. He wouldn’t hurt her like Steve did. He hated that his sister was sacrificing real love because she was too scared to take a chance again.

Reese sighs loudly. She didn’t want to have this conversation.  “I just didn’t expect to see him,” she argues, “It’s not like he’s even talked to Sam in the last eight years, so I just didn’t know he was going to be there.” She scrunches her nose at him and points with a soapy rubber dish glove, “I did not have  _that_ look or any look on my face. If there was a look on my face it was one of worry.  I didn’t want him to get any ideas about Lilly.”

Bucky growls, “That is  _NOT_ his business. She’s not his daughter.”

“I know, Buck.” She says placating him. She shuts the sink off and tosses the wet gloves on the side of the full dish rack and walks over to his side. She wraps an arm around his waist and tucks herself under his arm. More for him than her. They stand there in silence watching the two kids play. Lilly grabs the hose and sprays Peter. Peter pretends it knocks him down into the grass making Lilly’s laugh fill up the backyard.

Reese smiles and looks up at Bucky, “Why would I even bother with him when I’ve got all this? When I’ve got you?”

He looks down at her. Studying her face. He could see the sadness she was buried in her bright blue eyes. Her forced smile. She always trying to pretend like everything was perfect and he wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was for Peter.  He shakes his head, “I might believe what you’re saying if you didn’t look the way you did when he left you.”

She turns her head hiding her face from him. Being this close, as much as she loved it, really pissed her off sometimes. She just wanted him to listen to her and not watch for some ‘hidden clue’ on how she was feeling. He was just as bad as Natasha. “Are you still going over to Nat’s?” She asks, changing the subject and effectively ending the conversation. She’s had enough of Steve for one day.

“Yeah, I was just giving her some time alone. She seemed like she needed some space after all those people were in her face.” She knew that’s not what he meant. What he meant was, he wanted to scold her for staring at Steve and makes sure she wasn’t planning on talking to him. She was going to let it go through. He kisses the top of her head and lets go of her to grab his wallet and keys off the counter.

“Just make sure you are being sweet and gentle. Listen to whatever she says. Let her cry if she wants to.” She points at him, “No embarrassing stories about Sam. Only nice ones-” Bucky rolls eyes and nods “-and remember when she talks about how much she loves him she’s not doing that to hurt you.” She was well aware of how much her brother loved Natasha. It was more than just friends. She hated watching how much it killed Bucky to watch Natasha and Sam build their life together, but he never once acted on his feelings. Just suffered alone and focused all his time on her and Lilly. He might have been able to fool Sam but she knew he’s always been in love with Natasha his whole life.  

Bucky goes still at her words. God. He hated how close they were sometimes. He shakes his head and slips his wallet into his back pocket. He looks at her and sighs, “I know that. I’ve dealt with it since high school. I think I can manage,” he lied. He was good at that when it came to his feelings for her. “And if you haven’t forgotten he was my best friend not just her husband.”

Reese nods, “Yeah, I know. Just take things slow with her and be easy is all I’m saying.”

“I promised Sam I would take care of her and James-“ he refused to call him Steve and he was still pissed that Sam didn’t make James his first name –“I am just doing what I promised. This has nothing to do with my feelings for her.”

She wasn’t buying that for a second, but she dropped it for now. It’s been a hard day for all of them and she didn’t want to push him.

“If you say so,” she mutters.  She nods her head towards the backyard, “Say goodbye to bug or she won’t go to sleep without you here.”

He rolls his eyes and tries to look put out, but everyone knows that little girl has her uncle wrapped around her tiny finger. He kisses Reese’s forehead and makes his way down the steps into the backyard and yells towards the back of the yard, “Bug! I’ve got to go see Aunt Nat. Come give me a hug!”

Lilly immediately tosses the water gun to the ground and runs full speed towards Bucky. Completely forgetting she was playing with Peter. Peter holds up his hands, “Hey! We were in the middle of a battle? Am I chop liver?”

Lilly jumps into Bucky’s arms making him huff out a grunt as he pretends to stumble backward. “Will you be back for bedtime?” She begs, looking up at him. Her bright blue eyes wide and pleading. She’s known how to work him over from the moment she was born.

“I am not sure baby bug. I might have to stay with Aunt Nat and make sure she’s okay, but I swear I will be back in the morning and I’ll make you waffles before school. Deal?” He holds out his pinky and she hooks her little pinky onto his and nods, “Deal!”

He grins and sets her back down in the grass, “Okay, before I go. What did I teach you if a stranger tries to talk to you?” he asks unaware that his sister was now right behind them. He was pretty sure Steve wasn’t coming around but if he did he wanted to be sure he stayed away from the two most important girls in his life. He lost any right to them a long time ago.

“I kick them in the balls as hard as I can!” She says proudly.

Bucky holds his hand up for a high five but jumps at the screaming coming from the porch steps, “James Buchanan Barnes! You taught my daughter to do what?!”

He grins sheepishly at Reese and kisses his niece on the top of her head, “Gotta go, bug. Your momma is gonna rip my arm off.” He winks and pretends to run to his car making Lilly laugh.

Reese comes down the steps and shakes her head, “Please don’t kick anyone in the balls angel-“ She grimaces at what she just said, “and maybe don’t say that sentence to anyone.”

Peter walks over and kisses her softly, “I talked to her and taught her a few things to avoid strangers without kicking them anywhere.” He looks down at Lilly, “Right?” She nods and runs back over to the wooden playset that Peter had built for her. Sure, it was one of those that came from a box with instructions and all the pieces ready to go, but he still spent his entire Saturday with her overbearing brother building a swing set and that had to count for something. Some fathers can’t even be bothered to be around on an average day let alone set up an entire swing set on their day off.

She leans into Peter’s side and watches her swing mumbling a soft thanks. Peter was amazing. He had a stable job with the city. He had a plan for his life that went past the following weekend and Reese and Lilly were both a huge part of his plan. He was always there when she needed him. Spent time planning dates. Bought her flowers. Made time for Lilly. Got along with Bucky. He was everything she should want in a man and a father for Lilly.

He was perfect. So why did she still feel like this huge piece of her was missing?

 

Steve walked into the public library Friday afternoon with his ball cap pull down as low as he could get it and still be able to walk without bumping shelves or people. He wandered through the lobby glancing at every little girl with blonde hair he saw, but none of them were Lilly. He couldn’t get that little girl or Reese off his mind since the service and Nat’s words were still ringing loud and clear in his mind.

_You should talk to Reese about Lilly. It’s not my place._

He probably should have expected that she would have moved on. It’s not like she is the kind of woman to sit home and pine over some guy who broke her heart. He just didn’t think that she would have moved on right after he left and really didn’t expect her to have a kid with the guy. Maybe a part of him always thought he would have a chance to fix what he did. Bucky always did say he could be pretty stupid and that was pretty stupid of him.

Ten minutes of weaving through the shelves and there was no sign of Reese. Nat was probably screwing with him. Sounds like something she would. He starts to head back towards the exit when he hears her. That voice that’s his only solace. The only thing that clears all the noise in his brain. His safe place. He closes his eyes and just listens to her sweet voice, letting it wash a sense of calm over him.

“Okay, bug. I need you to sit here and be good. I know you wanted to spend the night with Uncle Buck but he had to help Aunt Nat. He is gonna be home when we get there with pizza.” He couldn’t hear any response but when she started to talk again he could tell she was smiling. “Yes, baby. He promised to tuck you in bed and read you whatever book you pick out today.”

Reese comes around the corner just missing running into him. Someone behind the counter called her over and asked her to help the young girl on one of the computers. He glances at Reese as she settles in next to the teenager and then peaks around the corner at the little girl sitting at one of the small kid’s tables. Several stacks of books around her. She must like to read.  As much as he wanted to talk to her he didn’t want to overstep. He wasn’t in her life and he already felt like a weird creeper watching the two of them. If Bucky caught him doing this he was pretty sure he would throw him through the glass window.

“You gonna stand there staring at me all night?” Lilly calls out to him from behind her book. “My momma says it's rude to stare. You’re not supposed to because it makes people feel weird.” She uses her little red Converse covered food to push out the chair in front of her.

Steve grins and walks over to the tiny chair she pushed out for him. Somehow, he manages to get his huge body onto the little chair, putting most of his weight in his legs for fear of breaking the legs. “Your mom is right. I am sorry about that.” He looks over he dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. Skinny nose. Barely visible freckles on her nose. She didn’t look like Peter, but he saw a lot of Reese in her. “You know you really shouldn’t talk to strangers either.”

Lilly shrugs still not looking up from her book. “I know. My Uncle Bucky told me that. He says I should kick you in the balls for trying to talk to me.”

Steve laughs quietly and shakes his head. To be fair he would have told her the same things just maybe not in those words.

“Besides- “she says casually “-You’re not a stranger. There are pictures of you in a box my mom keeps hidden in her closet.”

His breath catches in his throat as his mouth falls open. He didn’t know what to say. Did she know who he was and just how awful he really was? How he hurt her mom? He clears his throat and manages to choke out, “You know who I am?”  

She shakes her head and finally puts the book down to look up at him. “No, I found the box and peeked inside. Momma doesn’t know I know about it. I don’t think anyone is supposed to know that.”

Steve laughs in relief. “I see,” he says. He holds out his hand to shake her hands, “Well, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Steve Rogers.”

Lilly’s eyes light up as she takes his hand. “Hey! You have my name!” He frowns as they shake hands. She smacks her forehead with her free hand when she remembers she didn’t say her name. “Sorry. Momma says I always forget that. My name is Lilly Anne Rogers-Barnes,” She says proudly.

He slowly pulls his hand back and stares at her. “Wait, what?” He asks. His chest was suddenly feeling very tight and it was twenty degrees hotter all of a sudden. Maybe it was just was crazy coincidence Peter’s last name was probably Rogers. It’s a common last name. No need to panic. “Is that your dad's last name? Peter?”

Lilly raises an eyebrow at him and shakes her head, “Peter’s last name is  ~~Quill~~. I don’t have a dad. Mom won’t talk about him. Just told me he left before I was born but Uncle Bucky is mad that she gave me his name. I heard them fighting about it right before school started.” She sits up straighter and grins widely, eyes looking past Steve’s head, “Hi momma!”

Steve turns around to see Reese standing there with an uneasy look on her face, avoiding his eyes. That was all he needed to know. He looks down at the kid-friendly design on the carpet and tries to calm himself down. He can’t yell in a library, but fuck does he want to. He has a kid. He has a daughter and she kept it from him. This whole time. He makes his eyes focus on the knight fighting the dragon on the carpet and tries to steady his breathing.

Reese clears her throat, “Bug, I think Miss. Kelly needs help checking people out and she asked for you.” Lilly’s eyes light up and jump up from her chair, “Bye Steve!” She bolts over to the counter at the front of the store. Well out of earshot for what was about to be a huge mess.

Steve slowly stands up and crosses his arms over his chest. He couldn’t have this conversation while he was sitting in a tiny chair. He wasn’t going to beat around it. He deserved the truth and he deserved it now. “Is Lilly my daughter?” He asks solemnly.

She lets out a shaky breath and nods, “Yes.”

He laughs bitterly and shakes his head, “and you thought it was okay to keep that information from me? Keep her from me? What gave you the right to do that?” He was whispering still but he sounded just like he was screaming at her.

“What gave me-“ She blinks and shakes her head feeling her own anger starting to build. “-If you haven’t forgotten you left me an hour before our wedding. I wasn’t the one who ran and I tried to tell you.”

“Bullshit. When? When the hell did you try to tell me, Reese?” Steve demands. He should have known. She should have said something.

She steps forward raising her voice slightly, “I called you when I found out. You didn’t answer so I left you a voicemail saying I had something I really needed to talk to you about. I said it was important that you called me back right away. I figured if you couldn’t be bothered to call me back when I said how desperately I need to talk to you then you didn’t deserve to know her.” She looks up into his eyes, “But you were too far gone by that point, weren’t you? Too busy trying to chase that high you craved so badly. I gave her your name because it didn’t feel right not to but that doesn’t mean you are a part of her life so don’t think your little visit changes anything.”

Everyone that was standing nearby was now staring at them and she knew that, but she couldn’t be bothered to care. She wasn’t going to let him make her out to be the bad guy in this situation. He made his own choices and that’s something he has to live with. She grabs Lilly’s bear and the book that sat on the table between them and marches back over to Lilly at the counter quickly scooping her up in her arms despite the little girl’s protests. All he can do is stand there because he knows she’s right. He should have called her back. He shouldn’t have left at all. He didn’t know his own daughter and that was his fault. She says something to the woman behind the counter and rushes from the building.

It might be mostly his fault but not all the blame lies with him. Everyone in his life knew about his daughter and no one called. Natasha. Sam.  _Bucky._  No one tried to tell him. Not one of them. Bucky has been his best friend since they were kids and not even a phone call. Not even an angry  _‘You knocked up my sister before you left her you piece of shit.’_  He would have preferred that. At least he would have known.

Steve gave her a few minutes to get away from the library. He didn’t want to scare Lilly. She already had a bad image of her dad that has been built up from years of his absence and the way he was fuming. He didn’t want her to see that but there was someone that was about to be on the receiving end of his fury.

James Buchanan Barnes.


	5. Stupid boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some confrontations can't be avoided and some heartaches are meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it took forever to post. I was out of town for the 4th and just got home. 
> 
> Not super thrilled with this chapter. In a mood I guess. Who knows. Unedited, just a quick proof so all mistakes are my own. 
> 
> ***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Thanks!***

Steve couldn’t see straight.

Everything was blurry. Red. Distorted.

He can’t remember a time when he had been this angry. Well, except maybe in high school when Brock Rumlow got a little too handsy with Reese. His knuckles we’re bruised for a week after the beating he gave Brock. This was different though. His best friend was on the receiving end this time. Ex-best friend or whatever they were. He really didn’t care at this point. All he wanted to do was find Bucky and start swinging.

After everything they had been through together, Bucky let him go all this time without knowing he had a daughter. They let Lilly think he didn’t want her. They let his little girl think that he knew about her and still chose to leave. If he was thinking logically he would see how Reese could have thought that was the case, but that’s the thing, there wasn’t a whole lot of logic being used in the heat of the moment.  

His daughter has been kept from him for seven years. He had missed all of it and there was nothing he could do to get that time back.

Steve had remembered over hearing Reese mentioning Bucky being at Natasha’s, so he took a cab to Sam’s parents old place. He just hoped they were there. He knew it was going to end in a confrontation and it was better if he kept that away from Lilly. She already had a bad opinion about him he didn’t want to add anything else to list he was certain she was keeping.

_Steve Rogers: Why he is a terrible father. By: Lilly Anne Rogers-Barnes_

Okay, maybe she didn’t have a list, but he didn’t want her to see this side of him.

The cab slows down in front of an old brownstone and he lets out a breath of relief when he sees all the flowers for Sam on the stoop. They had to be here. He wouldn’t even know where to look for them if they weren’t here. He tosses money through the tiny window connecting him to the front seat and is out of the car before the can even come to a full stop. He storms up the steps like he was running from something. Maybe he was. He pounds his fist on the front door repeatedly until he could hear movement behind the door.

Hushed voices flow through the thick door. Bucky telling Natasha to get back and naturally, she’s arguing. She didn’t need to be protected. If Steve wasn’t so pissed he might have laughed. He was way past laughing.

Bucky opens the door and the sight of Steve instantly adds a mountain of tension to the volcanic mess that was already brewing. He steps outside onto the stoop and stares him down, crossing his arms over his chest. “Steve you need to get the hell out of here,” Bucky states a little too calmly, “I don’t know what you want but I’m not gonna let you upset Nat. She’s been through enough.”

Steve steps closer to Bucky. His own voice becoming dangerously low. “You know what it’s like to grow up without a father and you thought putting Lilly through that was the right thing to do? Tell me that wasn’t about you and me or me and Reese. That it wasn’t just you getting back at me for what I did to Reese. Tell me what reason you have for putting her through that.“

Bucky huffs out a laugh and steps out a few more feet forcing Steve down the stone steps. The same steps they used to play on as kids. The same place they promised to be friends forever. Till the end of the line. “I put her through that? Who left Steve? Because of it sure as hell wasn’t me. It wasn’t Reese. She was standing there in the damn church ready to walk down the Aisle and tie herself to your pathetic ass for the rest of her life.” He points at his chest. Right where his heart should be. “You. You put your daughter through that. You ignored Reese’s call and blew me off when I came to see you.”

He hears the front door creek and without looking back puts his hand out to stop Natasha from coming out, “Not that you actually care but she hasn’t been without a father figure in her life. I’ve been there. Every single day. I was the first one to hold her when she was born. I go to every single school play. I’m there for dinner every night. Where are you? With this month’s girl? Getting high?”

Bucky takes another few steps towards Steve. Both of them standing on the sidewalk in front of the house. Toe to toe. It didn’t matter that he was slightly smaller than Steve. Right now, he looked like he was towering over him. “You know I came out to see you. Do you even remember that?”

Steve looks at him with a blank expression doing his best to give nothing away because he didn’t. He didn’t remember, and Bucky could see right through his bullshit. Always could.

“Yeah, I didn’t think you did.  You were out of your mind.” Bucky smirks, “I came out right after Lilly was born. I didn’t tell Reese. She didn’t want anything to do with you if you couldn’t even be bothered to return her phone calls, but I just couldn’t let you go on without knowing her.” He shakes his head like he was pissed at himself for that moment of weakness. “So, I watched you on stage and watched you flirt with all your fans. I had to beg your manager to let me back to talk to you. Told her I was the closest thing you had to a brother and needed to speak with you. They didn’t even know my name. Thankfully she actually has a heart unlike the rest of you and let me back to see you. But when I got there and tried to talk to you you were drunk, pilled up and who knows what else. Screamed at me and told me to get out. That you didn’t want me around you.”

Steve closes his eyes slowly and tries to force the memory out, but he can’t. He can’t remember that night at all. It was all a blur of booze, pills and one-night stands. There are a lot of moments he wishes he could go back and do over, but he would give everything he has to go back to that night and fix this.

“I decided right then my sister and my sweet little niece didn’t need you. Not like that. They didn’t need a drunk and drug addict. They needed the Steve that’s long, long gone. You come running in here telling me you deserve to see her? Deserve to know her?  What the hell have you done to earn that right? Because from where I’m sitting you don’t deserve to even know her name but that’s not my call to make unfortunately.”

He turns around to head back inside, “If you hurt my niece, I’m warning you Steve, whatever friendship we had won’t keep me beating you into the ground.”

Steve knew he was right. He had no right to see Lilly. To know her. He didn’t deserve Reese and sure as hell didn’t deserve that sweet little girl. All that didn’t matter. He wanted to know her. He wanted her in his life. He’s never been good enough for Reese, but he was going to make damn sure he was good enough for his daughter.

He looks back and calls out to Bucky, “As much as you want to keep me from them-“Bucky stops and turns around to look at Steve as he continues “-you can’t. I know you hate me and Reese hates me and that’s fine. I’ve been living with that for eight years, but you can’t keep me from daughter Buck. I won’t let you and I won’t let Reese.”

Steve didn’t have anything left to say and he was certain Bucky didn’t either. They both said what they needed to. He pulled out of his pocket and pulled it down over his eyes, keeping his head down as he crossed the street putting as much distance between himself and the past as he could.

Bucky sinks down front stoop and runs a hand down his face, watching Steve disappear around the corner. That went just as well he expected.  It didn’t take long for a small little red head to gracefully sit down next to him, holding a baby monitor between her hands. “Well, that went over well.” She muses.

He huffs at her sarcasm, “I don’t know what everyone expected. A man can only change so much.”

Natasha shakes her head. “Who said I wanted you to change?” He turns his head to look at her and she reaches out tucking his hair behind his ear. She smiles and bumps her shoulder against his. “You have to let Reese figure this one out on her own, James. You can’t make her decisions for her. She’s not a little girl anymore and doesn’t need you to protect her.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. Lilly does though.” He shakes his head. “Reese gets all doe eyed when Steve comes around. I saw it the second I caught her looking at him at the service. She would let him back in their lives even though she knows he’s going to leave them both heartbroken. If he just would have stayed gone she would have been fine.”

Nat laughs. Laughs right in his face and leans her head against his shoulder. “If you think she wasn’t still in love with Steve before he came home you’re an idiot. I’m so disappointed in you Barnes. I thought so highly of you till now.”

Bucky’s brows drew together, and his mouth twisted slightly. “What the hell are you talking about?” He asks genuinely confused. “She’s been with Peter for like two years now. If that’s not moved on…” He throws up his hands as if he was resting his case.

She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, two years and they don’t live together despite the huge place he lives in all by himself. Despite the fact that he has been hinting for months that he wants them to live together. Remember when he wanted the swing set at his place and Reese said no? Or how she won’t plan anything for more than a month out with him.” She scoffs, “Hell, Christmas is what five months away and she won’t even commit to spending Christmas dinner with his family. Dinner. She can’t commit to three hours.”

If he was being honest Bucky hadn’t really thought about it. He’s only seen Reese with Steve and they moved fast but they had known each other forever. He just assumed it was because they had been each other lives since they were kids. He thought maybe this pace her new normal. A little cautious but he thought they were on track. Sure, Peter is not what he pictured for his sister but he’s stable and safe.  

Maybe Natasha was right. She was holding back. Holding on to hope that her little family could be fixed. Holding on to Steve.

That left a dirty taste in his mouth. He had loved Steve like a brother and he did the one thing Bucky could never forgive him for. He won’t give his approval or permission to bring him back into their lives. He knows that he doesn’t have a lot of say but Reese does listen to him. She hates to disappoint him and he knows that. He could sit down and talk to her tonight before Steve has a chance to get a hold of her.

Natasha reaches over and takes a hold of his hand, lacing their fingers together. “You can’t force her to do what you want, James. She needs to make this decision without your opinion.” How did she always know what he was thinking?

Bucky looks down at Natasha leaning on his shoulder, a snarky comment ready on the tip of his tongue but seeing her there on his shoulder and holding his hand, his mind turned to mush. He suddenly couldn’t breathe. He let her get too close. This wasn’t what Sam meant when he asked Bucky to take care of his family. He starts to move off the step forcing her to lift her head from his shoulder and let go of his hand. There was a flash of disappointment in her eyes, but she quickly recovered. “I should go. Are you sure you’re going to be okay for tonight? I can bring them pizza, put baby bug to bed and come right back.”

Natasha forces a smile. She was pretty good at faking being okay. If wasn’t no one would have left her alone for the last year. “James, I’m okay. I can manage tonight. We’ve known for a long time this was coming. Yeah, I miss him. It hurts. More than I want to admit but we knew how long he had.”

He stares into her green eyes for a minute longer than he should. His fingers are itching to be on her skin. To comfort her. He doesn’t though.  She doesn’t need this right now. She’s still your best friend’s wife. He plays on repeat in his head like he does every time he sees her.

“Yeah, okay.” He bends down and quickly kisses her forehead. “I gotta go pick up baby bug’s pizza and get back over there before she rips me a new one. Dinner tomorrow night? I can bring something, or you can come over. Or whatever you want.”

She laughs and nods, “Tomorrow sounds good. I’ll see you. Give your girls a kiss for me.”

Bucky nods and pauses for another moment. Just staring at her. He opened his mouth to say something else, but Natasha rolls her eyes and shoos him away from her house. He smirks and rolls his eyes back, walking down the street to where he parked. He fishes his keys out of his pocket and glances back over his shoulder at Natasha walking back into the house. It left a hurt in his chest like he never felt before.

What the hell was he doing?

He slips into his car and looks down at his phone in the front seat. 12 missed calls from Reese. He swipes his thumb over her number and puts the phone to his ear, wincing at the loud voice coming through the speaker. He has no clue how someone so small could be so loud. 

“Baby bug, I’m on my way.” He says as he starts his car and pulls out on to the road, “No, I don’t care what Robert from school said. We are not getting pineapple on our pizza. You’re from Brooklyn babygirl. We don’t put pineapple on our pizza. It ain’t right.”

Focusing on his girls. That’s what he needed to do. He needed to get his feelings in check and put some distance between him and Natasha. He made a promise to Sam and he was going to keep it. No matter how much it hurt him.


	6. What might have been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilly finally gets the answer to a very important question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay. My mom is back in the hospital and I struggled with getting this one to a place I was happy with. Either way here it is.
> 
> The song in this chapter is Getting over you by Jackie Lee. 
> 
> ***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Thanks!***

The run-in with Steve at the library had left things a little tense in the Barnes house. Lilly had not stopped asking about Steve. Any chance she could she would bring him up. Asking question after question. She wanted to know everything about him. Bucky always said she was too smart for her own good sometimes.  She even pointed out (several, several times) that she kind of looked like Steve. Going so far as to point out that her eyes looked more like his than Reese and Bucky’s eyes.

_“They are the same as his blue momma. Not your blue.” She said._

Reese had wanted to rebuke her comments but anything she said would be a lie. She had Steve’s eyes and saying anything else felt like a lie.  So, she ended up not saying a thing. It was better if she didn’t say anything else anyway. They had run into Steve almost two days ago and have yet to hear a peep from him. He probably took off and was getting back to his life in L.A. If he wasn’t planning on sticking around it was better that Reese didn’t indulge her daughter’s thoughts.

However, not everyone had the same ‘let it go’ approach when it came to Steve and Lilly. Bucky had made sure to shut down any indication that Lilly had any connection to Steve despite Reese’s objections. She didn’t want to lie to Lilly. He had argued that he wasn’t lying per se, but he wasn’t telling the truth either.

_“Baby bug. Everyone has blue eyes when they are little and sometimes you have matching eyes with people you don’t even know. There are people who look like twins and aren’t even related.” He mentioned during her interrogation._

_“Yeah, but we do know him Uncle Bucky and he’s not related to you and momma, right?” She asked._

_Bucky cleared his throat, “Well, no. He’s-“_

_“So, then how come we have the same eyes?”_

Steve was right in a lot what he said to her and Bucky. Lilly did have a right to know who her father was, but she was already excited, and he hasn’t even come back for her once he learned the truth. What would it do to her when he took off after she was attached? After she loved him?

It would destroy her. Just like it destroyed Reese.

Reese just had to get her back on track and get her to focus on her school. She loves school. After a few weeks, she would forget all about Steve and what he could be. The idea of pushing her to spend more time with Peter crossed her mind more than once this weekend, but that idea just made her feel guilty. Like she was hurting Steve by forcing her relationship with Peter. For now, school would have to be the way to keep her mind off of Steve.

“Lilly! Come on you need to get your homework done before dinner is on the table.” Reese yells from her spot in front of the stove. She wasn’t sure where she was in the house, but she was certain it wasn’t in front of her homework.

“I am momma!” She calls from her upstairs bedroom and a loud giggle following, “Uncle Bucky is helping me with my math!”

Reese cringes at the thought of Bucky helping her with math. They tend to giggle more than focus and usually, it ends up in Reese fixing her homework afterward. “Great. I’ll be double checking that tonight,” she mumbles under breath.

A hard, rapid knock came from the front door and she could hear loud boots stomping from upstairs. “I’ll get it, Buck,” she yells towards the stairs. “Stay with Lilly and get her homework done please!”

She pulls the pot of sauce off the hot burner and walks towards the front door, but all of her panicking and overthinking couldn’t have prepared her for what was waiting on the other side. She half expected it to be pizza that Bucky had ordered from upstairs. That was pretty normal whenever she tried to get them to eat anything that was even remotely healthy.

No pizza man this time.

She pulls the door open and stands there paralyzed. She wasn’t sure she even breathing.  

“Steve,” she whispers.

The whole street bearing witness to the power he still had over her. He hasn’t even spoken, and he’s completely knocked the breath right out of her. She was praying for something, any words to fall out of her mouth but all she could do is stand there and stare at him. He looks good too. Of course. He always looks good. Maybe a little tired and if she would have spent more time analyzing his eyes there was worry cloaked in those baby blues. She didn’t have the time though.

Steve smiles, “Hey Reese.”

He peeks behind her to ensure that no one was there. It was just the two of them. No Bucky. No Lilly. Once he was sure that Lilly wasn’t around, or at least not within earshot. He looks back at her, more nervous now. He thumbs behind him on the stoop and takes a step back. “Can we talk for a minute?” he asks gently.  

Reese glances back over her shoulder and then steps outside closing the door behind her. “What- what did you want to talk about?” She knew. Of course, she knew but she didn’t have to make this easy on him. It wasn’t easy for her so why should he get the easy out again.

“I think you know what I want to talk about-” he shakes his head and runs a hand down his face “-I know I don’t deserve to know her. I don’t deserve to be your life.  I never did, but she’s my daughter and I want to know her,” He states firmly even though his heart is pounding against his chest and he’s deep down he’s still that terrified teenager, scared she’s going to slam the door in his face and reject him.

She crosses her arms over her chest and glares at him as best she can. Part of her knew this was coming. The second she saw him at the church part of her knew this would happen, but when he didn’t rush right over after their last conversation she was hopeful he would disappear again. Or maybe this is what she hoped would happen all along. Either way, she didn’t have time to play ‘what could have been’. Lilly was her focus and she wasn’t going to let him hurt her. If she had to be a cold-hearted bitch to protect her daughter she would.

“Don’t come in here telling me about what you deserve Steven,” She snaps. “You can’t just pick and choose when you want to be a parent. It’s all the time or not at all.”

“Don’t you think I know that?! I mean, Jesus Christ Reese,” He hisses.

“I don’t know. Do you know that?” She asks him. “I haven’t heard a word from you since you found out she was yours, so I assumed you ran. You’re good at running when shit isn’t going your way.” She knew that was a low blow, but he deserved it.

As much as he knew he earned that slam it still cut him deep. He takes a deep breath and steadies his voice. “Why the hell do you think I didn’t come over right after I found out? I wanted to make sure I could do this,” he states calmly. “I had to be sure I could be there for her and I want to. I am going to know my daughter and be in her life. You and Bucky can’t keep her from me. I’ll fight you on it every step of the way if I have to.”

Custody battle.

That was one of the things she worried about more than anything else. Steve taking Lilly from her. She couldn’t lose her. She wasn’t about to take Steve to court when they had no money to pay for an attorney and she was pretty certain he had one on speed dial. Bucky would probably toss his ass in the East River before they even got to court, but she wasn’t taking a chance. Regardless of money, she would never put Steve through that. They stand there in silence while a thousand different scenarios play in her head. All the ways he could destroy her all over again flashed before her eyes, but she didn’t have much of a choice. He was her father and Lilly should know him.

“You’re right. You do deserve to know her.” Reese swallows the lump in her throat and quickly wipes the tears that had started to pool in her eyes before he got the chance to see them. “Besides she has been asking about you non-stop since she saw you.”

No one could miss the way his eyes lit up. She was pretty sure he was blinding the neighbors with the thousand-watt grin he was sporting. Before he could say anything else she opened the door to go back inside, holding it open for him to come in and puts her hand out to stop him.  “Wait-“ she eyes him up and down-“You’re clean? No more drugs or anything right?”

Steve nods, “I’ve been clean since rehab Reese. Over a year. You can talk to Tony if you want to confirm it. Or my sponsor. Wanda. She’s great. You’d like her. She doesn’t take any of my shit either.” He didn’t mention getting drunk at his last show or the fact that he still drinks on occasion. It wasn’t a big deal and she meant the hard stuff. He has been done with that for a long time. Not a real lie.

She wants to laugh but she just doesn’t have it in her. She stares him in the eyes trying to see if he was telling the truth. He was never great a lying. She nods finally and waves for him to come in.

Reese heads towards the staircase and nods her head for him to follow her, which he jumps to do. He was still the same lost puppy under it all. He walks through the house and glances at the pictures on the walls and smiles, following behind her in silence. Lots of Bucky and Reese growing up, but Lilly definitely stole the majority on pictures. The further they got through the house he could hear music playing and what he heard made him smirk.

 _Bet you never taste my kiss_  
In a rum and coke  
Bet you never spent all night at that old bar  
Prayin', waitin', hopin'  
That I might walk into your arms again  
Like we never said goodbye  
Make the cab take the long way by my place  
To see if someone's parked outside  
  
Even if you do  
If you think getting over me was hard  
Try getting over you  
I don't wanna make light  
Of what you're going through  
But if you think getting over me was hard  
Try getting over you

She stops at a closed bedroom door is littered with crayon drawings and ‘Lilly’ written out in what looked like fake flowers. She glances at Steve to find him smirking at her. Does he think this is funny? She raises her brow in question until she hears what she was playing in the background. A rush of sudden heat washes over her face and she rolls her eyes to try to hide her embarrassment.

“Shut up. It’s a mix, okay? It’s just….It’s a mix of popular songs. I can’t help that everyone thinks you’re so great,” She mumbles.

He grins at her embarrassment, “You know this song is about you right?”

Reese shrugs her shoulders like it was no big deal, but on the inside, she could feel herself coming undone. Eight words and he was tearing down the walls she worked so hard to build up. “I didn’t think you had any problems getting over me. At least that’s what it looked like.”

He takes a step closer to her and leans against the door frame, shrugging. “Sometimes pretending is easier than facing the truth,” he whispers. She looks up at him and everything around them was already slipping away. God, Bucky was right. She was such a fool for this boy.

Lilly’s loud giggle pulls them from their trance and she quickly knocks on the door before he can say anything else and peeks her head into the bedroom, “Hey you two.” She grins at Lilly curled up in Bucky’s lap. Clearly, they haven’t been doing homework because Bucky’s hair, which was still pulled up in a bun, was now covered in butterfly clips, clips on pink and purple hair and glitter. So much glitter.

“Who was at the door?” Bucky asks eyeing his sister carefully. She didn’t need to say who though. The second they lock eyes he knew who was at the door and Bucky knew he was waiting on the other side of the wall. He shifts Lilly in his lap and sets her on the bed, “Baby bug, I am gonna go order a pizza while you talk to momma.”

Reese glares at Bucky, “I made dinner. Does no one care that we have to eat more than just pizza in this house?”

He waves his sister off and looks down at Lilly. Her bottom lip was stuck out as far as she could get it and she looks up at him with her big blue eyes, begging him to stay with her without a word. Bucky grins and peppers her face with kisses until she starts to laugh. He pulls the hair and clips out of his hair, shaking the glitter out of his hair and gives Lilly a quick wink. He walks over to the door and looks over his sister’s head, directly at Steve, “I’ll be right downstairs if either of you needs anything.”  

Steve’s face remains stoic. He doesn’t have an inch of emotion on his face and he wasn’t about to let Bucky rattle him just to keep him from his daughter.

Reese pushes him towards the stairs, away from Steve and mouths for him to go. She steps inside her room and nods for Steve to follow her. He hesitantly walks into the room and Lilly’s eyes light up once she sees him. She leans up on her knees, bouncing on the bed. “Steve!” she shouts excitedly.

He smiles but stays closer to the door.  Just in case. He wasn’t sure how she was going to react to finding out he was her father and if she got upset with him he wanted a quick out. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her more than he has already. “Hey Lilly,” He gives her a small wave.

“So-“ Reese clears her throat and sits on the end of her bed, tucking her leg under her “-you know how you have been asking me about Steve a lot? Why you look like him and why you have the same eyes?” Reese waits for Lilly to nod.

This was a lot harder than Reese thought it was going to be. She has practiced this more times than she could count. Every time she had a well-rehearsed speech and explanation, but all of that just seemed wrong now that she was looking at her little girl and Steve was standing next to them. She lets out a long breath. Time to rip the band-aid off.

“Well, bug,” She adds. “That’s because he’s-he’s your dad, baby.”

Reese could tell the second she said the word dad Lilly had figured it out days ago. Her little brain had worked it out right away and this was just the confirmation she was waiting for. She looks over at Steve and sits back on her but, losing a bit of her enthusiasm. “You didn’t want me or momma?” She asks solemnly.

The question flew out of her mouth with such ease, it was obvious she had been asking herself that question for the last two days.

Steve jumps forward and kneels by the side of her bed, taking her small hands into his giant ones. “No, no that’s not it at all.”

Reese gets up and stands in the doorway giving them space, glancing to her side where Bucky was hiding listening to their conversation. She narrows her eyes and he shoves her shoulder gently. He wasn’t going to leave them alone in the same room with Steve. She should have known better.

Steve scoots closer to her bed and looks up at her. He wasn’t going to throw Reese under the bus to make himself look better. It was all his fault after all. If he hadn’t left eight years ago they wouldn’t be here right now.  They would be a family, and everything would be the way it was meant to be. He couldn’t live in what could have been though. He had to live in this reality as shitty as it was.

He clears his throat, “This- I was lost for a long time. I couldn’t be who your mom needed or who you needed. I wasn’t close to good enough for the two of you. I could barely be good enough for myself. I was just young and stupid, but I swear if I could take it all back I would. I would take it back and be with you every second from the moment you were born. I know it might not mean much but I’d like to be around now if you’d let me because not knowing you is one of the biggest mistakes of my life.”

Lilly looks at Reese for a sign it was okay with her to let Steve into their world. Reese smiles at her and nods. She looks back at Steve, staring at his blue eyes. The perfect match to hers. She tightens her fingers around his hands as best she can and nods, “I guess that would be okay.”  

Steve grins and gives her hands a light squeeze in return. “I can’t be here every day like your uncle is and I don’t want to get in between what you two have.” That was more for Bucky than it was her, but it needed to be said now. “My work takes me away for long chunks of time, but I swear I’m gonna work on that. I’m gonna call my agent tonight and make it so I am only gone for three – no, two weeks at a time and then I come back here to you.”

She crosses her legs under her and nods, “You sing all those songs, right? The ones that momma listen to all the time? She plays them over and over and over.”  

Reese clears her throat from the doorway, shifting uncomfortably. “I don’t- I don’t listen to them all the time. I listen to a station on Spotify and they just pop up,” She mumbles.

It takes everything in Steve to not smile. She heard his songs. She’s heard his apologies. “Uh, I guess. I am not sure who she listens to but yeah I am a musician.” He glances back at Reese for a second and then back at Lilly who was watching the two of them closely. Smart girl.

Bucky looks at his sister with his eyebrow raised and she quickly looks away from him. “Shut up, James,” Reese whispers. He shakes his head and grabs Reese’s arm pulling her downstairs. He didn’t trust Steve to stick around but he didn’t think he would hurt Lilly. He wasn’t that stupid.  

Lilly nods and looks back at Steve after the footsteps get further away. “You’re the one. I recognize your voice. She listens to them all day every day. She always cries at the same ones. I guess she likes them.” She shrugs. “Not really my cup of tea. No offense.”

Steve laughs and hangs his head, “None taken.”

She hops off the bed and holds out her hand for Steve to take. He lifts his head and slowly stands up, taking her hand. She grins up at him. “Wanna pick me up from school tomorrow?” she asks. “Uncle Bucky is helping Auntie Nat move and I don’t really want Peter to pick me up.”

He felt a bit of jealousy flare up in his chest. He had forgotten about Peter. After Friday the only thing that’s been on his mind was Lilly. Getting to know her. Making sure Reese lets him into her life. He thought his biggest obstacle was Bucky, but he had forgotten all about Peter. The man that was trying to take his place. Not just for Lilly but with Reese.

“Yeah.  I can pick you up from school if you’re mom is okay with it.” He tightens his hold on her hand without even realizing it. Like Peter was going to run in the room and rip her away from Steve. Rip Reese away from him before he even has a chance to make it right.

“Momma will say yes. She likes you. I can tell.”

Steve could feel a warmth spread through his chest. He knew he shouldn’t take what a seven-year-old says to heart. Particularly one that doesn’t know the whole story. That doesn’t know the whole truth and all of the hurt he caused but it felt good to hear that. Even if it wasn’t completely true.

“Can you stay for pizza? Everybody likes pizza so you have to stay,” Lilly chimes but her tone quickly turns gruff, “I wanna get the kind with pineapple but Uncle Bucky says no because we’re from Brooklyn and we don’t eat that garbage.” She pouts.

Steve laughs, “I have to agree with your uncle about that, but I’ll tell you what, tomorrow after school I’ll take you to get pizza and you can get a slice with as much pineapple as you want.”

Her eyes light up and squeals, “You’re the best! I’m gonna go ask momma right now!” She tugs him towards the staircase and stops abruptly. She slowly turns around, chewing her bottom lip. It didn’t take parental experience to know she was upset about something and he immediately sinks down to her level. She clears her throat to wash away any emotion in her voice. She is his daughter without a doubt.  She tightens her grip on his hand and whispers, “Don’t leave again, okay? I... just stay.”

Steve could have sworn he experienced the worse pain of his life when he lost Reese, but he was wrong. This was the worst pain he’s ever felt.  He lets go of her hand and cups her face in his hands, tilting her head to look her in eyes. “I promise I won’t leave you. Nothing is more important to me than you and your mom. I know I am just some guy you don’t know that you can’t tr- I swear I am never going to leave you. You’re stuck with me for life kiddo.”

Lilly didn’t need more than that. She was naturally trusting. No one had broken her trust yet and no one would if Steve had anything to say about it. He would go to the ends of the Earth to protect her and she’s only been in his life for three days.

She nods slowly and leans forward, placing a soft kiss on his cheek. “Okay, Steve.”

He nods in return with a small smile on his face. “Okay, Lilly.”


	7. Wish I didn't have this heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve finally tells Tony his big secret and spends some time getting to know his daughter. Turns out it's not so hard to be a good dad once you show up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So it's been forever. Life. Ya know? 
> 
> My mom has been really sick from chemo so I have been spending a lot of time with her and there just hasn't been a lot of time to write BUT here is an update! Just quickly proofread. 
> 
> ***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Thanks!***

“Look who has the decency to finally call me! Your week is up so where am I picking you up? Oh, and I decided I’ll stick around this tour. Pepper is too nice. Thinks you need time to mourn your dead friend.” Tony huffs. “Please. Like you need time. You’re great at pushing your feelings down smothering them under those chiseled pecs. You always make a great record after and we could do with that after this mess up.”

Steve groans and leans his elbows on the counter resting his head in his hand. “Tony-“

“Oh, and by the way, I caught wind of where you were.” Clearly, Steve’s attempts to stop the rambling was useless. “You’re not exactly great at hiding. The cap doesn’t mean you’re invisible you do know that right? Your face is all over Tumblr and like twenty fan pages on that Instacrap.”

“Ton-“

“I get it. Your friend died, you panicked and had to go. Next time just say something. I made a statement on your behalf. You’re welcome for that. Said it was a family emergency and got you rebooked at the venues you missed for the end of your tour.” Tony laughs, “Did you know everyone thought you were back in rehab? Managed to skirt that PR nightmar-“

“TONY!” Steve barks into the phone cutting him off.

Tony winces and pulls the phone back from his ear, “Jesus, Rogers. What?”

Steve takes a deep breath and rips the band-aid off. “I have a daughter.” His voice was calm. There wasn’t a hint of fear in his voice and for a guy who wouldn’t commit to more than seven hours that was a pretty big deal.

Tony sank back onto the bar stool behind him. It took a minute for his brain to play catch up and make his mouth work. “You- I’m sorry, you what?” he asks. He clearly heard him wrong. Steve Rogers doesn’t have a kid. No way.

“I have a daughter. She’s seven.” Steve clarifies gently.  “I guess Reese was pregnant when-“ Steve closes his eyes, swallowing the bile that was rising in his throat. He couldn’t bring himself to say the words. He couldn’t force out the words when I left her.

Tony didn’t need him to explain it. He knew.

“Ah,” Tony takes a deep breath and looks down at the little girl playing at his feet. The thought of not knowing her, not being there when she was born was a pain he didn’t want to know. He glances up at Pepper and squeezes his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. “Okay, so just because no one knows about her doesn’t mean we can’t suggest that you have all along. We don’t need the press to know you’ve had a kid this whole time and were too busy chasing tail and snorting coke to bring her up in any one of the thousands of interviews you’ve had.”

Pepper swats his arm with a pink bunny grabbing his attention. She mouths, ‘Steve has a kid?!’ His eyebrows shoot as he throws his free hand up and shrugs.  “Let’s keep it quiet for now,” he continues on talking to Steve and ignoring the death stare he is getting from Pepper, “just until I can work up a good story. I’ll get Pep on it.” Her glare only intensifies at the mention of her having to fix this mess.

Steve cringes at the thought of lying to the press about Lilly. He didn’t want to start that trend. He was trying to gain her trust and Reese’s. Lying isn’t the best way to do that and he was worried how they would take it. “I don’t know that’s a good idea. I mean, I don’t want people to think I’ve known her this whole time and didn’t want to be around her. I don’t want to lie when it comes to her Tones.”

Tony sighs and mumbles under his breath, ‘Now he gets a conscience.’

“Listen, kid, it sounds a hell of a lot better than saying you knocked up your high school girlfriend and ditched her on the day of your wedding, so you could become famous and get your dick wet.” A large plush dump truck came hurling at his leg as Pepper motioned to their kids sitting on the floor. He grins and shrugs a shoulder in apology.

Steve has a bad feeling about all of this and he didn’t want to mess this up. “Just give me some time to talk to Reese and see what she wants. She may not even want me to make a statement at all. I don’t know how much she wants her life to change and I know she doesn’t want Lilly in my world.”

“That’s too bad. If your daughter is in your life she’s in your world. You know I do all I can to keep your private life private but the second this gets to the media she’s going to be all over every magazine and there’s not a lot we can do to change that.”

Steve groans. “Yeah, okay.” He knew Tony was right. There wasn’t much they could do when it came to the press. Sure, they could get ahead of stories or push stories off for a few hours maybe a few days, but they couldn’t stop it. All of this was important, but it wasn’t why Steve called. There was something more pressing he needed to deal with.

“I’ll talk to her but I called because I kind of need another favor.”

Tony sighs, “Let me guess. You’re extending your little impromptu vacation?”

“I’ve got to get to know her Tony. I can’t just take off after meeting her. I need to be here She’s just incredible. She’s sweet and funny. Told me she doesn’t like my music,” he laughs and shakes his head.“I promised her I would stick around for a bit even though I have no fucking idea what I am doing. I don’t even know if I know how to be a decent man let alone a father.” It was the first time since he said he had a daughter that had any trace of fear or nerves in it.

Tony smiled a little and shakes his head. “You’re already doing it,” Tony says with a bit of humor in his voice.  “Putting your kid first. Above everything else.”

As much as he likes Steve getting his shit together and respecting him for stepping up to take care of his family, they both need him to finish this tour. “Listen, I’ll handle the next two weeks, but you have to get back on tour. You only had a few shows lined up and then we had a break. I’ll shift some things in your schedule and you’re gonna be doing a few smaller shows and meeting fans, signing autographs. Taking photos and being nice to all your fans. Not just the pretty ones with big tits. All the shit you hate. You hear me?”

Steve lets out a sigh of relief. Finally letting out all the tension he had been holding in for their entire call. “Yeah, I hear you. Thank you, Tony.”

“Yeah, yeah. Oh, and Rogers?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t worry so much. You’re a good man under all the bullshit. You’ll be a good dad.”

At least someone thought he could pull this off even if he wasn’t so sure.

* * *

 

It took a bit of convincing on Reese’s part to be able to pick up Lilly from school after they finished dinner the night before. Lilly had gone to bed and Reese had tried just about every excuse in the book to say no. Steve wanted to be offended and snap back. Tell her he could handle picking up HIS kid. She was his kid after all, but he didn’t really have anything to fall back on. Lilly barely knew him, and Reese knew about rehab, so she probably still worried he was mixed up in all that shit. He couldn’t really blame her. Hell, he didn’t even know which school to pick her up at.

After countless arguments that he didn’t know how to handle the car seat, or where the school was, and it was her day to spend with Peter. Okay, he had to admit that one got to him. He was never some crazy possessive asshole, but damn if the thought of Peter getting time with his daughter over him didn’t raise his hackles just a bit.

He might have overstepped when he said: She’s not Peter’s kid Reese. I’m her dad and I’m here. So,  _Peter_  is done playin’ daddy.

By some miracle, she didn’t scream at him. Just said he was right. Steve almost made a joke about wanting to record her saying he was right but thought it was better to not press his luck.

In the end, he managed to win with the help of Lilly pouting up at her mother and to his surprise, Bucky came to his defense saying: If you’re gonna let him in her life he has to be in all the way baby sis. Ain’t no halfway in. That time he did ask to record it and Bucky flipped him off behind Lilly’s head.

It didn’t matter though. He got to pick up his little girl from school and nothing was gonna wipe that grin off his face.

He had parked down the block in his black Audi rental and was standing awkwardly outside her school waiting for the bell for the last thirty minutes. To be fair he didn’t want to be late! A few parents eyed him suspiciously as they walk up to pick up their own kids and it wasn’t because he was famous. It might have something to do with the fact that he was standing outside an elementary school with a cap pulled low over his eyes, a dark jacket and was shifting nervously as if he was getting ready to hijack someone’s car.

Before anyone had a chance to ask him what he was doing hanging around a school the bell rang, and all the kids came barreling out of the front door. He stood up straighter looking for her sandy blonde hair and the purple backpack she told him to look for.

The last wave of kids came pilling out and that’s when he spotted her. She comes walking out of the front doors with her backpack on one strap falling off her shoulder, blonde curls pulled up in pigtails and clutching her lunch box in her both hands. She looks around through the parents a little bit of worry in her eyes and that ate at Steve’s heart. She didn’t expect him to be there. He holds up his arm and waves them back and forth over his head to get her attention an easy smile on his face.

She looks around through the crowd spotting the waving and grins when she realizes it’s him. She takes off towards him not even saying goodbye to her friends, running as fast as her little legs will take her.

Steve bends down as she hurdles toward and braces himself for impact. “Steve!” She yells as she throws herself into open arms. “You came!”

He laughs. “Yeah, of course, I came. I told you I would.” He scoops her up under her arms and lifts her up onto his shoulder. He grabs a hold of one ankle and holds his free hand out, “Backpack and lunch box?”

She slides them off and hands them over to Steve who slides them on his arm and grabs her other ankle. She leans her chin on top of his head and wraps her arms around him. “I know you said you would come. I Just…” she shrugs as if that’s all the answer he will need.

Right now, he was grateful she couldn’t see his face because he wasn’t sure he would be able to hide the guilt he was feeling.  He clears his throat to break up the silence that settled around them. It’s been five minutes and he was already screwing this up. “So, uh, you mentioned something about pineapple pizza? You up for pizza today or are you tired of it yet? You only had about five pieces last night.”

“Steve, I could never get tired of pizza. Uncle Bucky orders it like three times a week and momma gets so mad because she says we have to eat more than just pizza. And that’s not healthy and if he doesn’t stop sneak ordering pizza while she’s cooking she’s going to break his arm.” Steve laughs quietly not wanting to stop her rambling. He missed Reese and Bucky, so it was nice to hear about them from Lilly.

He keeps a hold of her ankles and walks them around the corner away from school and where their car is parked as she talks to him about school, her best friend Trina who is mad at her because Evan likes Lilly but Trina likes Evan. She doesn’t even like Evan! He’s weird and always tries to buy her attention with presents. He doesn’t know who this Evan kid is but he definitely needs to have a little chat with him if he’s giving his daughter his chocolate milk. He stays quiet though and doesn't threaten the little boy's life like he would like to. He likes listening to anything she’s willing to tell him so his mouth stays shut.

She finally stops talking and looks around at the buildings and frowns. “Um, Steve? Where are we going? There are no cars over here.”

He grins and gives her ankles a gentle squeeze before nodding towards a dark and dingy looking building. The windows were covered in some yellow film and the tables outside looked like they have twelve inches of rust piled up on them. She only knew it was a restaurant because it had a small neon sign in the window that read: Best Pizza in Brooklyn! “Right there is where we are going. Your Uncle, momma and I used to come here all the time. Best pizza ‘round.”

They stop in front of the door he lets go of her legs and reaches back pulling her off his shoulders setting her back on her feet next to him. “All right. Pineapple pizza it is. Anything else?”

She reaches up and takes his hand that isn’t holding his bright purple backpack, mending the broken bits of his heart with a tiny hand covered in pink glitter polish.

“Um, cherry coke?” She asks hopefully.

Steve looks down to find her looking up at him with those big blue eyes and bottom lip out. He curses under his breath and nods making her squeal in delight. “Just don’t get me in trouble with your mom. You’re not even allowed to have soda are you?”

She grins up at him and shrugs, “Uncle Bucky lets me have it all the time.”

He raises an eyebrow and holds the door open for her. “That doesn’t mean anything peaches. All right sit your cute butt down and I’ll order.”

Thankfully the place was empty, so he could relax and not worry about someone recognizing him. He drops her and her backpack off at the table closest to the counter but he doesn’t take his eyes off her for second and before she could blink he was walking back with two cherry cokes and two slices, one plain and one filled with plenty of pineapple. He sets it down in front of her and her eyes light up again, patching up another hole in his damaged and bleeding heart.

Steve laughs at her excitement. "Don’t get too excited you may not like it," he reminds her gently. He plops his plate down but didn’t touch his slice. He wasn’t so sure she was going to like so he made sure to leave his slice of cheese untouched, so she could have it.

She sits up straighter and looks at him. “Even if it’s gross this day would still be pretty awesome. Thanks, dad.” She says it so casually that Steve almost didn’t catch it but he’s so glad he did. For a second she looks nervous like she shouldn’t have said that but Steve leans over and kisses the top of her head whispering his own thanks into the curls of her pigtails. She shrugs like it was no big deal but they both knew it was the biggest of deals. Their world series.

He watches as she lifts the slice of pizza up and takes a huge bite. He watches as her smile quickly fades into something that is a mix of dislike, confusion and the realization that Bucky was right. He knows that look well. He’s seen it on his own face several times. He laughs and pushes his piece over towards her and takes her plate. “Give it here squirt you can have mine but I get to be there when you tell your uncle he was right.”

She smacks her hand to his forehead, "Ugh, he loves being right. It’s so annoying.”

Steve lets out a loud rumbling laugh. She definitely has Reese's sense of humor. He was so wrapped up in her he had missed the woman across the street taking photos of them through the windows. Capturing the sweet moment and turning it into something dark and tainted. Normally, he never lets his guard down when he was in public, but there was something about spending time with his daughter that made all his walls coming crashing down. He got to be just Steve when he was with her. The real Steve. The Steve he was before he was famous and he liked that, but all good things come to end eventually.

The reality of what his life is like is getting ready to rain on his this perfect day.

Several notifications went off on Tony and Pepper’s phones. They both looked up at each other as Tony reached out to grab his phone. He swipes up to see what it was and his stomach sinks. “Shit…” He hands the phone over to Pepper.

_BREAKING NEWS!_

_Super Star Steve Rogers was spotted in Brooklyn earlier today with this little blonde haired, blue eyed girl (pictured below). No word on who she is to the musician but from the looks of things I would say she shares more than just those blue eyes._

_Name and more details to be released soon!_

Peppers eyes traveled down to see Steve walking with her on his shoulders, the two of them hugging outside her school and lastly, Lilly taking a bite of her pizza while Steve kisses her forehead.

Here comes the rain.


	8. Doesn’t mean that I’ve moved on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve picks Lilly up for their first sleepover and makes a choice that will impact his future with Reese forever. Meanwhile, Bucky spills some secrets Natasha was never meant to hear, but Natasha has some secrets of her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in a week? Whaaat? I'm just as shocked as you are. The song at the end of this chapter is -You heard wrong by Dylan Schneider
> 
> ***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Thanks!***

“Hey. She’s getting her backpack ready. You wanna come in?” Reese steps to the side giving Steve room to come inside but he stays put. He didn’t want to come in. Normally he would. He would take this opportunity to just talk to her like they used to. Without a little girl listening in or an overprotective big brother glaring at him. If he was being honest he was scared to come in. He had to tell her about the photos. About Lilly being pictured by some scumbag trying to make a buck off their daughter.

It was obvious she didn’t know yet because she didn’t punch him in the face the second the door opened. He knew once they were alone in her home she would clock him right in the jaw. So, no thanks. He’ll stay on the front steps.

“I’m good here actually.”

She raises a brow, “Okay, but it could take a few minutes.”

“I just need to talk to you about something and I would feel better telling you here. Where there are witnesses.” He gives her a nervous smile.

She crosses her arms over her chest. Protecting herself. Using her arms as a shield. A barrier to keep him out of her life and out of her heart. “What’s going on Steve? Are you bailing on her tonight? Man, I should have known you would do this! She is really excited about spending the night with you. How you got me to agree to it I still don’t know and now you’re here to tell me you can’t d-“

“No! Reese. No.” He interrupts the rambling before it spins her completely out of control and she gets upset over the wrong thing. “I am absolutely taking her tonight if you will still let me. I just needed to talk to you about…” He shifts back and forth on his feet. “About the media.”

Reese blows out a breath, “Oh, thank God. I thought you were ditching her and she would be heartbroken. She loves spending time with you, but I am glad you brought that up. I’m sure you guessed I don’t want her in the media. I know you have ways to avoid it and it’s not like we’re in Hollywood or anything, so I am guessing it would be easy? She’s seven you know? I don’t want our daughter’s face plastered over trashy magazines.”

Steve could feel his chest tightening as she rambled on about keeping Lilly out of the media. How did he fuck this up already?  The second she finds out she’s all over the internet she is going to take Lilly away from him and keep him out of both their lives. He had to fix this. He just needs to get his lawyer on it. She’s a minor and there has to be some kind of law on that? Okay, he knows he is reaching but he can fix this. He can wait and tell her after it’s fixed. Then she will see that he can take of Lilly. Take care of her.

“Steve?”

He blinks focusing back on her, “What? Oh, sorry.  Just thinking. Don’t worry about the media. I’ll handle it.” He pulls his phone out of his front pocket and sends a quick text to Tony. He needs to get this handled right away. They still don’t know her name. He has time to fix this.  He has to fix this.

“What’s, uh, what’s with your phone?” She pulls his phone out of his and examines it, noticing the duct tape and broken buttons, glued antenna. She notices the faded black marker on the back written by her own hand.

**SR + RB**

It’s his phone from high school.

He rubs the back of his neck and ducks his head. “It’s nothing. Just- I like old stuff. I don’t like all the new phones with the touch screen crap.”

“Touch screen crap? You really are like a 90-year-old man you know that?” She grins and hands it back over to him.  

Lilly comes running past Reese and attaches herself to Steve’s leg interrupting their very awkward moment and Steve could not be more grateful. He grins down at her and ruffles her hair, “Hey peaches. Ready?”

She looks up Steve giving him some weird look that he seems to understand. They stand there having their own private conversation without saying a word. Reese knew they have gotten close, but she didn’t think they were communicating without words close. Part of her was happy Lilly let him in so quickly, but the other part was terrified for her daughter. Steve wasn’t known for keeping promises and keeping hold of delicate things, like someone’s heart.

Steve finally turns and looks at Reese and gives her a tight-lipped smile. “So, tomorrow night I was, uh, I was going to take peaches to that little fair. It’s not a state fair or anything but it seemed pretty fun and Lilly thought- well, I mean I thought- if you wanted to, you could come with us. It’s kind of a going away since I am leaving in four days. Thought this could be something fun to do before I go back on tour for a month.”

Reese looks down at Lilly and then back at Steve clearly confused. “You want to take me to the fair?”

He nods and reaches out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “Yeah, you used to love the fair. We had some of our best dates at the fair. Please? We can get corn dogs, ride a few rides,” he narrows his eyes at her smirk, “No rollercoasters. I’ll even buy you a candy apple.” He grins. He knew bribing her with a candy apple wasn’t fair, but he didn’t have time to play fair. He had to win his girls back before it was too late.

Lilly’s eyes go wide, “You used to date momma?” Reese laughs and shakes her head. Lilly knows they used to date. They talked about several times since Steve showed up. She’s pretty smooth for a seven-year-old.

Steve grins at Reese and nods. “Yeah, peach,” he keeps his eyes anchored in Reese’s pretty blue eyes, “I’ve been in love with your mom since I was your age.” In love. Not past tense.

The sincerity in his eye was too much. The declaration was too real and after all this time everything was still too raw. She had to break from his gaze and look down at her shoes. The love shining in those blue eyes nearly broke her. Her heart pounding so rapidly against her chest she was certain it was going to fly out of her chest only to land right at his feet. Which would make sense? Steve Rogers has always held her heart in his hands, so it would only be fitting to have it pulled out of her chest and laid bare before him. Ready for him to pick up and heal all the cracks he made all those years ago.

He steps forward and tilts her chin up with his index finger. He searches her eyes to get a sense of what she’s feeling. It was all nerves. She was worried about what this would mean and what he expected of her.  “You can say no.” He whispers. “You know that. I would never make you do something you don’t want to, but I would like it if you came.”

She swallows the huge lump in her throat. Why was everything with him so complicated? Why did he have to make her insides melt and her hands tremble with want? After everything he did to her why did she want to fall into his arms all over again? She glances down at Lilly and then back at Steve, “Okay. Let’s go to the fair, BUT Just so we are clear this is not a date.”

“I never said it was.” Steve detaches Lilly from his leg and picks her up with a huge grin on his stupid beautiful face.

“Good because I have a boyfriend. You know. Peter.” She crosses her arms over her chest. “This is just so we can both spend time with bug as a family.  Not a traditional family because I have a boyfriend.  Peter.  And this isn’t a date.”

His grin has only widened the more she’s tried assuring him they were only friends. He chuckles at the mention of Peter. As if he didn’t know the man he has already met who was trying to steal his girls from him. “I hear you loud and clear. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at six beautiful.” He winks and heads down the steps leaving Reese standing on her front steps, blushing from head to toe.

Lilly looks up at Steve once they are out of earshot of Reese, “I don’t think momma loves Peter the way you’re supposed to. She never looks at him like she looks at you.”

Steve looks over his shoulder at Reese and then back at Lilly. “We will always love each other peaches. She was my first love, my best friend. Plus, she gave me you.” He tickles her side, grinning as her laughter fills the nearly empty street. “She probably feels the same way.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t think that’s it, dad.”

Reese walks into her best friend’s house slamming the front and wanders through the main floor towards the kitchen.

“Reese?” Nat calls from somewhere on the second floor of her house.

“Yeah, It’s me.” She shouts back as she reaches the kitchen and climbs up onto her counter digging around behind the baskets on the top of her cabinets. She grins when she finds what she was looking for.

Stolichnaya.

Some crazy strong Russian honey vodka that Nat keeps for special occasions and this was a special occasion. Falling for your ex who ditched you at the altar and just happened to be your kids long lost dad called for the special vodka.

“You know,” Reese yells back towards the front of the house as she pours herself a shot and slams it back. She winces at the burn but quickly shakes it off and pours another, “It’s not fair Nat. He can’t just come back home after all this time and act all sweet. Play dad and look…” She groans as she downs her second shot, “Incredible. He looks fucking incredible, right? I mean did you see his beard? And his hair pulled back like that? Also, when the hell did he get that ripped?”

She grabs two shot glasses and the bottle of vodka in her arms still shouting into what could very well be an empty house from the lack of response she was getting. “He flirts with me too you know? Knows just what to say. Oh! Oh! AND, the damn phone. He has his old flip phone. The one he had from high school and he acted all weird when I asked him why he still has it. Then the dick has the nerve to ask me to go to the fair with him tomorrow! Like I have free time to just spend with him. I have a boyfriend! Fuck why am I still weak when it comes to that stupid asshole?! Bucky would kill me if I told him he was right. Please don’t tell him by the way. I don’t need him to yell at me anymore. He’s already disappointed I let him back into our lives.”

She sighs and takes a swig straight from the bottle. “Why did he have to come home? I could have stayed over him if he just stayed gone.  Everything was fine.  I was safe.” She whispers into the empty kitchen.

“I didn’t know you would let this loose once baby bug wasn’t around.” Okay, so maybe the kitchen wasn’t totally empty. She turns around to see her big brother standing in the doorway looking rather unimpressed with a smirking little redhead next to him.

“Hey…Buck” She gulps and walks towards him, stopping to put the bottle of vodka on the island. “So, I am guessing you heard all that?”

He nods, and Reese turns to whine at Nat, “why didn’t you tell me my brother was going to be here? I thought we were best friends! Hey, wait a minute-“ She narrows her at Bucky “-What are you doing here? Steven is with Sam’s parents so it’s just the two of you in this big ol’ house. Alone.”

Bucky’s arms drop to his side slowly and he clears his throat. “Don’t try to change the subject. Besides, it’s just Nat. I’m not- We’re not.” He groans. “We’re talking about you and Steve.”

Nat grins and nudges him with her hip. “Gees, I didn’t know the thought of being alone with me on a date would be so unappealing to you.”

“I didn’t say that!”

“What was all this talk I heard in high school?” Nat asks walking towards the bottle of vodka. “James Buchanan Barnes is a sweet-talking ladies man? You just don’t think I’m pretty enough is that it?”

Bucky narrows his eyes at Reese who was grinning. “First of all,” Bucky says looking at directly at Nat now, “Everybody knows I think you’re beautiful Tasha and second of all if I wanted to sweep you off your feet you wouldn’t be able to resist me.”

Nat smirks and shakes her head looking down at the shot glass in her hand. Hiding whatever she was feeling.  In all the years Reese has known her she has never seen her get shy or back down from a challenge like that. Nat never said but she had a feeling Bucky’s feelings weren’t one-sided.

Bucky walks over to Reese and pulls the glass of her hand, “And you. No more. You still have to pick up Lilly tomorrow and you need a clear head around Steve since you clearly aren’t thinking right.”

She groans and sinks down on the bar stool. “I know he was your best friend and you get the whole hurt and betrayed thing, but you don’t get it, Buck.” She looks up at him. “My whole life the only thing I have known for sure, the only thing I never questioned, Steve Rogers, is it for me. He’s my other half. My…” Her eyes flick to Nat and back to Bucky. “Part of you has to get that.”

“I do. Trust me I do, but just because he’s your other half doesn’t mean you’re his.” He confessed. “Maybe you’re not his soulmate. I get that better than anyone.” Natasha looks up at Bucky to find him avoiding her gaze. “I just want you to be careful. You don’t even know who he is anymore. He’s a drug addict who is constantly surrounded by booze and drugs and girls. He’s not a family man. He can’t give you all the things you want with him. His world won’t let him and honestly, I am not sure he wants those things.”

Reese drops her gaze. Bucky was probably right. She didn’t know who he is now, but she wasn’t sure that mattered. “Maybe I don’t know who he is now.” She shrugs. “But he’s always going to my Steve under all of it.”

“But he’s not your Steve Re. He hasn’t been yours since he walked out on you.” He finally looks over at Natasha for help. She was still watching Bucky trying to understand what he had confessed. She blinks a few times to focus back on Reese.

“Re…” She reaches out and takes her hand. “I get it. You love him. You love him so much it scares you. So much that you feel like if you give your heart over to him again you won’t ever get it back.” She looks over at Bucky. Praying he understands she wasn’t just talking about Steve. That he understands. “Like if you gave him the chance to love you he would love you with his whole self and you would finally feel whole. Feel that missing piece click into place, but that’s terrifying.  That’s why you’re with Peter.  You picked someone just like the man you loved only Peter is safe.  Someone brave and smart and strong with no chance of being hurt. And if he ever left you it wouldn’t completely destroy you.”

Nat tears her eyes away from Bucky’s just as Reese looks up at her. “You’re his other half, too. I can promise you that. He’s scared just like you are. He’s always been scared of how much he loves you. That’s why he ran. That’s why he never said anything in the past. You need to decide if you want to take a chance on Steve. Blemishes and all. Or, stay with Peter but either way you’ve got to be all in baby girl. You have to pick Peter for him. You can’t expect Peter to become Steve.” She looks back at Bucky, “Because I’ve been there, and in the end, it will leave you with a tear in your soul Peter can’t fix.”

Reese glances between the two of them. She’s pretty sure they are no longer talking about her and Steve. Clearly, she missed something, but she has no idea what happened. She was about to ask what was going on when her phone goes off from her back pocket. She slips her hands out from Nat’s hold giving Nat the chance to excuse herself and rush upstairs. Out of Bucky’s sight. A private place to pull herself together.

Bucky clears his throat, “I’m gonna go grab Chinese. I’ll be back in twenty.” He grabs his keys and rushes out the back door.

She shakes her head at her brother’s stupidity. He’s running in the wrong direction. He should be running towards Nat not away. He won’t though. He won’t ever cross that line out of some misguided loyalty to Sam. She sighs and pulls her phone from her back pocket, a small smile tugs at lips when she sees his name on her screen.  

Steve:

I haven’t moved on from loving you. This song is about you. I thought you should know.

She looks down at the song title he added at the end and quickly pulls up YouTube searing for the video. It’s from his album that came out last year. She hits play and the sound of his voice sends chills down her spine.

_ Every time I'm out on the town, I bet your phone's blowin' up _

_ All your friends trying to tell you that I'm hookin' up _

_ Just cause I shot her a wink _

_ They get you thinking that I'm over you _

_ But I ain't over you, no _

_ You can't believe every single word _

_ That don't mean I ain't hurting baby _

_ Truth is I'm pretty good at putting on a show _

_ Hanging and thinking ain't nobody gotta know _

_ That I'm wanting you _

_ Wishing that I was holding you _

_ Yeah I'm getting better at getting over us _

_ My head's a broken record and the needle gets stuck sometimes _

_ If you heard I'm fine since you been gone _

_ You heard wrong _

She hits replay and grabs the bottle of vodka off the island, letting his words wash over her. Nat was right. She couldn’t hide from this anymore. It was time to face her fears.  


	9. Nothing is just black and white

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Peter finally have a long overdue chat and Steve takes his girls to the fair, but things don’t go as he planned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Thanks!***

Peter slips his hand on the back of her neck, in an attempt to gently release the tension that has settled there. He could feel all of it radiating off her from her spot on his lap. Normally, little moments like this were his favorite. She would let her walls down and let herself be with soft with him, but today it wasn’t the same. All this tension and unsaid words are like a barrier keeping them apart despite having her pressed against his chest. “You’ve been pretty distant lately,” he blurts out, mentally cursing himself for just throwing it out there like that. “Is it- is it everything going on with Steve?”

Reese keeps her eyes out the front window for any sign of Steve pulling up, using this as an attempt to hide her face from her boyfriend. Bucky has always said every lie she has ever told has been written on her face for all to see and, man did she hate when he was right.

“Um, yeah I guess. I don’t mean to be. Just a lot going on,” she stammers. Part of that was true. She didn’t mean to be distant with him. She really didn’t, but there wasn’t a lot going on. Sure, she still had work and Lilly to take care of but over the last week there were several nights that Steve had taken Lilly out and she could have spent that time with Peter, but she didn’t. It didn’t feel right to go out with him when Steve had Lilly. It felt like she was betraying Steve which was completely insane, and she knew that. She didn’t owe Steve a damn thing, but it felt an awful lot like cheating. 

He grabs her hand and gives it a gentle tug, “Hey…” She slowly turns to look at him forcing a small smile. It was all she could muster. “You know I won’t let him take Lilly from you. I can get us a good lawyer and you’ve got seven years of abandonment plus the drug use. I’ve been looking him up online and he’s a piece of work. I promise I won’t let him hurt you or Lilly. I love you too much.”

Her eyes widen at the confession. Two years and she hadn’t said those words yet. She just couldn’t get them out and of course, Peter was understanding. He’s always understanding. He’s been so, so patient with her and just like always he knows what’s going through her head.

“You don’t have to say it back Reese. It’s not- I don’t expect that. I just want you to know that I love you and I’ll keep you safe. I won’t hurt you like he did. It’s okay to let me in. You’ll be safe with me.” He lifts her hand and kisses her fingertips.

Any other girl would be thrilled to have this sweet, gorgeous man promising her those things. Saying how much he loved her. How he would keep her safe and protect her always. He is willing to pay for a lawyer to keep her daughter safe, but she couldn’t give him more than what she already was. She didn’t know why she couldn’t give in and just say the God damn words. She spent night after night begging God to let her love him, let him into her heart the way she did Steve. She’s still waiting for that prayer to be answered.

“Peter, I-“ she sighs unable to force the words out and gives his hand a gentle squeeze. “I care about you a lot and I’m trying. I’m just…” Scared. Steve made her scared to open her heart to someone. Broken. Steve broke her in more ways than she realized. In love. She’s still in love with Steve.

The realization hits her harder than she could have predicted. She was still in love with Steve and she couldn’t give Peter her heart while Steve was carrying on tour with him.

“I know. It’s okay,” Peter assures her.  “I can wait for you.”

She forces a smile and shifts on his lap, she needed this conversation to be over. “Listen, I uh, I am going to go to the fair with Steve and Lilly tonight. Lilly asked me to go and I think it would be good. He’s been spending a lot of time with her and I should probably see how he is with her with my own eyes you know? Make sure he’s not doing anything he’s not supposed to.”

Peter stiffens and meets her eyes. “Wait. You’re going on a date with your ex-fiancé?”

She scoffs, “No. I am not even sure how you got that from what I just said Peter. It’s not a date. He knows that. He knows we are dating and besides did you forget he left me? He doesn’t want me like that,” she rebukes.

He slowly drops her hand and looks down at the floorboards. “What if he did want you?” he laments.

“What?”

“What if he did want you like that?” He asks evenly. “What if he walked in here and said he wanted you back and wanted to be a family?”

“This is stupid Peter. I’m not having this conversation,” she snaps as she untangles herself from his lap and stands up, “I don’t need your permission to take my daughter to the fair. Yes, Steve will be there, but I am going for my daughter. I’m not going to let my daughter down because you’re jealous and Steve is going to be around whether you like it or not. He’s her father and I can’t change that.”

It didn’t take a long at all for Reese to start defending Steve, but Peter was still shocked she did it so blatantly. He shakes his head and stands up, “Yeah, okay Reese.” He kisses her forehead and grabs his keys from the table by the front door. “I love you. Just remember that tonight.”

Reese watches Peter walk out of the house and she can feel her anger starting to fade, making her guilt swim up her throat. She wanted to beg him to stay and apologize, but with Steve on his way over it was better that he left. She wasn’t ready for that confrontation.

Peter makes his way down the stairs right as Steve is walking up with Lilly. Well, if that isn’t The Fates with their perfect timing.  

Lilly smiles at Peter, “Hi Peter! Have you met Steve? He’s my dad.” She beams up at Steve.

Steve laughs a little and looks down at her fondly before looking back at Peter. “Yeah, we’ve met Peaches. Go run in and see if momma is ready to go and put your bag up.”

“Okay!” She runs up the stairs and closes the door behind her leaving Steve alone with Peter, smug grin on his face and all. Peter is probably a nice guy. He doesn’t know and doesn’t care to know. What he does know is he is standing in the way of getting his family back and if Steve has to knock him out of his way he will.

Peter looks him up and down and shakes his head. “So, enjoying playing daddy while you can?”

Steve crosses his arms over his broad chest and glares at him. “Not really playing when she’s your actual daughter but I get what you mean. She won’t be away from me for long. I’m going to finish up this tour and buy a place in the city. I can make my next album anywhere. I don’t plan on leaving her _or_  Reese again.”

“Sure, it’s all fun and games now. Ya know when it’s easy.” He thumbs back towards the house. “It’s been seven years and I get it. Reese is confused and forgot everything you did to rip her heart out. Forgot the way you abandoned her in front of everyone she knows and left her alone to raise her daughter.” Peter takes the last step down and shrugs. “Plus, it helps when you’re just having fun. Going on playdates. Staying up till two in the morning while Lilly throws up from a stomach bug isn’t so fun though. Or spending the whole weekend building a playset or helping build the solar system for a school project after working an overnight shift. Or sleeping in the hallway of a hospital because she had a 103 fever and I couldn’t go back because Reese and I aren’t married. Yet anyway.”

Steve flinches at the thought of them getting married and Peter smirks. “I’m sure you’ll get an invite. Lilly will want you there. She loves anything shiny and new, most kids do, and it doesn’t hurt when you can buy her love right?” Peter pushes passed Steve knocking into his shoulder.

He takes a deep breath before calling out to Peter, “I’m in love with Reese,” he turns to face Peter, “and Lilly is my daughter. Not yours. I might have missed the last seven years, but I am not missing a second more and Reese? I’m going to get her back.  We’re supposed to be together and she knows that in her heart.”

Peter stills and takes a deep breath before turning around, façade in place before Steve could see how much that admission scared him. “Good luck with that. I know how much Reese trusts you with her heart.” He walks back towards his car, “How was your last show a few weeks ago? I saw some pictures of you all drunk and walking some blonde back to your hotel room.  Sounds like a regular night for a family man doesn’t it?” He didn’t need to mention showing the pictures to Reese, the threat was implied, and it was enough to make Steve feel sick. He was just starting to build trust back with Reese. Something like that could ruin everything he was repairing.

He doesn’t have anything to say back. No snappy comment. No rebuke. He just watched him drive away, letting their conversation sink in. He had to come up with a different way of dealing with Peter.

“Hey, you.” Reese steps up next to him and nudges Steve with her hip. “You ready to go? There is a blonde haired, blue eyed little girl ready to ride the Ferris Wheel with her daddy.” She smiles up at him.

Steve tears his eyes away from where Peter’s car once stood and nods, “Yeah, I’m ready to go.” He hooks his pinky in hers and tugs her hand towards his rental. “Can we talk tonight? It’s nothing bad. I just- I’d like to have some time to talk to you about some stuff.” Peter wasn’t going to scare him off and he wasn’t going to use his past to threaten him.

Reese looks down at their pinky fingers locked and she smiles. “Yeah, of course. We can talk after we put Lilly to bed.” Reese unhooks her finger and slides her hand into his, lacing their fingers together.

Lilly comes racing down the front steps and grins when she spots her parents’ hands. “Daddy? Hold my hand?” She holds out her hand for Steve who takes it right away and kisses the back of her tiny hand.

“I’ll always hold your hand peaches. I’ve got to keep my best girls close don’t I?”

Lilly smiles, “Momma is your best girl, too?” 

Steve looks at Reese and nods. “Yeah, Momma’s always been my best girl.”

Reese rolls her eyes as if she doesn’t believe a word he is saying, but the grin and blush on her face tell a different story. Steve grins and tugs them along to his car.

“Alright you two, let’s go make some trouble!”

* * *

 

The parking lot turned fair was the most fun Reese has had in a very long time. There wasn’t this crushing weight on her chest and none of her smiles were forced. It was a nice change. It wasn’t very big but there were a bunch of smaller rides for Lilly, games, food and one roller coaster that Reese spent all night trying to force Steve on. He refused, saying there was no way something that gets packed and unpacked into a little trailer over and over was safe. He wasn’t riding it, and neither were they.

Steve spent most of the night spoiling Lilly. If she pointed at anything he was buying it in a flash, making up for lost time Reese assumed. Carmel corn, corn dog, a pretzel covered in cheese, and a deep-fried Snickers bar. Reese skipped the deep-friend Snickers but did settle for a candy apple. They are her favorite after all.

Lilly tugs Steve over the mini kid’s coaster and rushes passed the gate, shoving her arm in the air to show her wristband. It was pretty small. It went in a small circle and had one bump that wasn’t even as tall as Lilly, so Steve deemed it safe enough for his peaches. “Watch me!” She shouts from her seat in the bright green caterpillar.

He nods to Lilly and leans his arms against the temporary fence next to Reese. “She’s a lot like you,” he comments. “She’s smart. Smarter than me. Strong-willed. Beautiful,” he breaks his stare from Lilly and looks at Reese, “But it’s her heart that reminds me of you. She’s kind and generous. Always putting others before herself. Just like you.”

Reese can’t look at him. Not right now. Not after what happened with Peter this afternoon. If she looks at him he’s going to see her true feelings, and he can’t know her weakness because, with him, it is a weakness.

“Reese…” he grabs her elbow gently and turns her around to face him. “I know sorry isn’t good enough. Trust me. I know that, but you gotta know that every single day for the last seven years I have asked the Gods to just send me back to that day. I have begged for a redo until my throat was too raw to keep askin’. I’d give up everything I have now to go back in time, so I could walk into that church and marry you.”

He cups her cheeks tucking his thumb under her jaw to tilt her head up. “I know you don’t believe me but I’m never leaving you again. You’ve had my heart since we were eight.  I’m just sorry I didn’t protect yours like I promised.”

She didn’t want to admit it, but her heart was racing. She could barely breathe from his confession. She couldn’t count the number of times she pictured this exact moment. It always late at night when she was alone in bed, she would let her mind wander to what it would be like if Steve came back to her, what it would be like if they were finally a family. She pictured Steve saying all of those things a hundred times over, but she never thought it would feel like this.  She places her hand over his and turns to place a soft kiss to the inside of his palm.

Lilly runs up to the gate and shouts, “Hey!” Both Reese and Steve jump making Lilly giggle. “You guys didn’t watch. You were being weird and staring at each other.”

Steve chuckles and slowly let’s go of Reese, regrettably.  “Sorry peaches. My eyes are glued on you. Go again and then we can grab some cotton candy.”

“You gonna pay for her dentist?” Reese snarks.

Steve glances at Reese with that stupid sexy smirk on his dumb beautiful face. “I think I can swing it. I don’t know if you know but I am a fairly popular musician. They play my stuff on the popular stations of Spotify. Maybe you heard some of them?”

Reese’s cheeks turn bright pink and she looks away from him quickly. “I wouldn’t know. I recently deleted my account. A lot of hacks on there.”

He grins and throws his arm over her shoulders, looking at their daughter. “Go for one more ride peach. I promise my eyes won’t leave you the whole time.”

Steve carries Lilly up to her bedroom and gets her tucked into bed with the bright blue stuffed monkey he had won her at the end of the night. Only cost him about fifty bucks and he’s pretty sure the same one on Amazon is only about ten, but he couldn’t say no when she asked him to win her one. He would have spent five hundred if he got to be the reason for the smile on her face.

He walks back down the stairs and into the kitchen where Reese is putting away what was left of her cotton candy into a plastic container. “She’s down,” he says with a yawn. “I’m gonna bet she sleeps in tomorrow.”

Reese laughs. “Yeah, we will see about that one.” She pushes the container towards the middle of the island and looks up at him. “You, uh, you said you wanted to talk to me about something? Before the fair?”

“Oh, right…” He shifts back and forth. He couldn’t tell her now. Not after the night they had. It would ruin everything.  Tony was on the pictures. It could wait. “It was nothing too important and it’s late. We can talk tomorrow?” he asks hopefully.

“Of course,” she agrees instantly. She looks back at the clock on the stove and then back at him. “It is pretty late. Do you want to- maybe, um stay the night?”

Steve quirks an eyebrow up. “Are you asking me to stay the night with you, Miss. Barnes?”

She rolls her eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic Steven. I meant just sleeping and on the couch. Besides, it’s not like we haven’t spent the night together several times. We were engaged and have a daughter.”

He grins and walks around the island towards her, causing her to stumble back into the counter behind her. He leans his hands on the counter caging her between his arms. “Oh, I remember all those nights we spent together,” Steve whispers roughly, “I think about those nights more than I should. But I am not sure that’s a good idea now. If Bucky comes home and finds me here I think he may actually try and kill me.”

Reese looks up at him and slowly reaches out to grab his shirt, fiddling with the fabric between her fingers. “No, he wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t do that in front of Lilly.”

He laughs. “Gee, thanks.”

She grins and tugs him closer to her, he willingly leans into her tug. “About what you said at the fair. I don’t hate you so you know. I wanna believe you’re not going to leave, that you wouldn’t lie to me but it’s hard.” She takes a deep breath. “But…I do lo-I like having you around.”

Steve smiles at her small confession and what he thinks may be a weak recovery for how she’s really feeling. He steps forward pressing his forehead against hers, “I  _like_  being around you, too. I never stopped  _liking_  to be around you.”

She lets out a stuttering breath, “Oh? That’s…I’m, um…” she stammers, staring up into those pretty blue eyes. 

“Reese?”

 “Hm?”

He takes a deep breath, “I’m going to kiss you. If you don’t want me to I need you to say something, tell me to stop.”

She opens her mouth to say something, but no words come out. She desperately wanted to feel his lips against hers again. Even if it was only for a moment. Just one more time.

Steve hastily closes the distances pressing their lips together, his slides his hands up her back holding her against him. He’s kissed a lot of women over the last seven years but none of them felt remotely close to the way it feels when he’s kissing Reese. Time slowed, his heart thuds against his chest and it felt like his skin was on fire.

She slowly melted into him, placing her hands on his chest and Steve took the hint. He pulled back slowly, “I can go if you want…” he whispers.

Reese smiles and shakes her head, “Come on Rockstar.” She laces their fingers together and pulls him towards the stairs, flipping off the lights as they go. Steve obediently follows her upstairs into her room and closes the door behind them.

* * *

 

The sound of his girls laughing from the kitchen woke Steve from his peaceful slumber. He rolls over and pulls his phone from his jeans that were crumbled on the floor next to bed.

  ** _7:12_**

He groans and tosses his phone on the bedside table. He couldn’t remember the last time he was up this early. Lilly’s loud giggle rang through the house and that had to be the sweetest sound he’s ever woken up to. He slowly climbs out of bed slipping on his clothes from the last before and heads down to find his girls. 

“What trouble are you guys causing this early in the morning?” He asks as he reaches the bottom of the stairs, rolling his sleeves up his arms.

Reese’s head snaps up from the frying pan at the sound of his voice and she beams as she lays eyes on him. His eyes light up in response and he walks over to the counter, resting his arms on top of the counter. They both just stood there staring at each other with a love-sick look on their faces, grinning like fools.

“You guys are being so weird. Why are you just looking at each other like that?” Lilly asks, popping a blueberry into her mouth.

Steve grins at his daughter and takes one of her blueberries, nodding towards the pan in front of Reese. “You’re burning the pancakes.”

“Crap!” She turns back around and flips a blackened blueberry pancake over and groans. “That one is for Uncle Bucky. I’ll put it burnt side down on his plate.”

Lilly giggles and Steve kisses her cheek before walking up behind Reese, wrapping his arms around her. “This how you impress all the men you wake up with after a date?” He whispers into her ear making her shiver.

“What men?” She glances behind her. “No one spends the night and last night wasn’t a date,” she reminds him gently.

“Right. I forgot.” He rests his chin on top of her head, watching her pour more batter into the pan. “Humor me for a minute, what if it had been a date?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. Probably would still make pancakes. I like pancakes.” She turns to meet his gaze. “I guess you will have to take me on a date and find out.”

Steve is taken back for just a moment. Just two days ago she was reminding him of her boyfriend. Repeatedly. “What about Peter?” he asks, keeping his voice void of emotion.

Reese keeps her eyes anchored in his but doesn’t say a thing.

The front door slams shut, and Steve lets go of Reese walking to the other side of the island just as Bucky stomps into the kitchen. He looks around at the three of him and settles his gaze on Reese who quickly looks away from her brother’s judgment, turning her attention back to her pancakes. He didn’t have to say how much he didn’t approve of Steve being here this early in the morning.

Lilly beams up at her uncle. “Uncle Bucky, momma made you special pancakes!” 

Bucky smiles at his niece, “Great baby bug. You know I like my pancakes black and crispy.” She giggles as Bucky kisses her head.

He turns and looks at Steve, slapping a something against Steve’s chest forcing him to grab it, “First I gotta talk to Steve,” he grits out. “Outside.” Bucky turns on his heels and heads out back before Steve has a chance to say anything.

Steve pulls the paper back to see the headline staring back at him in bright yellow and he can feel the blood draining from his face. He was out of time.

_**Superstar Steve Rogers spends time in New York with his secret daughter. Rogers and daughter, Lilly, are glued to the hips. Exclusive pictures inside!** _


End file.
